My buddy Webster defines routines like this:
a sequence of events regularly followed; a fixed system
A routine in and of itself isn’t bad. Many find they need a little structure to define or enhance the dynamic. And clearly a routine can do just that. A lot of people want to be in better shape – they want to go to the gym, they want to walk or jog more, they want to lose a few pounds or see some more definition. And so they go to the gym once, maybe for a month, and then….
The desire – the goal didn’t disappear; but without a solid routine, it is very hard to flesh out. We need some accountability, because life happens. We need a partner so we don’t go at it alone.
And then, there’s this guy. The guy who is so stuck on his routine, so fixated on what he wants that nothing else matters. His goal comes first. It becomes obsessive. Addictive. To the point where it’s obviously not healthy.
It all kind of goes back to what our goals are. If they are inherently selfless – then a pattern that can flex and change with life can be a beautiful and healthy thing. If at the end of the day, it is selfish, then the pattern will bear selfish fruit.
In a D/s dynamic, many people want to add some structure, some routine, and that can be a good thing – but don’t get stuck to the point where the pattern isn’t fulfilling. You need to be able to deal with life as well. And sometimes, you need to make changes.
Communicating with your partner openly and honestly can help you gauge where you both are at. Don’t take each other for granted. Don’t let the pattern overtake the reason for the pattern.
The origin of this word routine, is route. If we remember that, we can make positive routines in our lives – it’s the path we are on, taking us where we want to go. We can change lanes, we can speed up or slow down. We can take detours or alternative roads, but we stay on the path that is taking you where you want to go. And most importantly – have fun!