I knew when Kasai and I began our journey into D/s, that we would continuously learn and grow. That we would probably never “arrive”.
I am an amateur photographer. I’ve hiked deep into the mountains for pictures. I am always looking at different angles. It’s rare that I don’t have a camera with me. I’m always thinking about new things to photograph, and new ways to capture a moment. Many times, I take upwards of a 100 photos only to really enjoy 1 or 2.
This is what I had envisioned for Kasai and I. That we would be constantly emerging. And that’s why I chose the name emergingDom.
When I first picked up the camera – I knew the photographs I wanted to be able to take. Visions of life, beauty and tragedy that carried a message. But I spent years being wondering why I wasn’t there. I knew what I wanted – but I didn’t know how to get there.
As a Dom, I’ve been there too.
Though I knew that I would be continuously emerging – I had a vision for Kasai and I. And sometimes, I would become frustrated that we weren’t there. It resulted in my often not being her Dominate – I was more of a controlling lover.
Don’t get me wrong – the kinky sex was amazing!
But there was a void in me.
There was a void in her.
I remember the first time I took my camera off of auto mode. I made countless mistakes. I had to study quite a bit, but I was able to develop plans to be a better photographer. In different places with different lighting and atmospheres, I would play with my ISO, my shutter speed, and aperture – all on the same subject ending up with numerous photos – just so I could see how those little changes affected the picture.
I logged them down so I would know in the future and I developed reference cards to assist me.
I was training myself to be a better photographer.
As a Dom, I lead Kasai in our sexuality. But what I was previously doing was keeping it in Auto mode and hoping the my Dominance and her submission would just take care of everything. But that’s not how it works.
What was needed was training and purpose.
Kasai needed more from me than kinky sex. She needed specific guidance, direction, a strong hand……dominance, but I wasn’t really giving her anything to submit to. She loves to submit, but struggles with some things, and I wasn’t giving her a path. She also needed affirmation, praise, and rewards.
The past wasn’t a mistake, I didn’t fail at Dominating Kasai, nor did she fail in her submission. But it wasn’t quite right either.
Time to start emerging again.