So, we found ourselves wrapped in some amazing sex.
And as I looked back, I began to realize that something had begun to fade – my Dominance.
Don’t get me wrong, in a scene it might be hard to tell that it was missing. I told her how to prepare, what to do, what to say. I manhandled her, spanked her – thorough use of toys and instruments, bondage.
But does the sex part make it D/s or was it just kinky sex?
When we began our journey – I felt like I was dominating more than just our sex life – I was dominating our sexuality. Throughout the day. She submitted to my instruction, performing different tasks, etc. It heightened our sense of awareness and connection to each other and led to a more primal connection when we did have sex.
Yet even then, I failed to understand the true value of training (and other areas of concern).
There’s nothing wrong with kinky sex (I for one happen to enjoy it!), if that’s all you want. But to be in a healthy D/s relationship – more is required. There has to be a connection of dominance and submission outside of the bedroom (or wherever you have sex).
It doesn’t mean that every aspect of life is micromanaged by the Dom. There are a variety of colors in the world of BDSM, and none are rightfully compared to another; however, there is some need in the vanilla world for each other to recognize their lovers position as either sub or Dom.
For Kasai and I, it’s our sexuality. Every aspect of it – which reaches into multiple areas of life. For you, it may be different.
What do you think, is kink the same as D/s?