Once you know where you are, you have to figure out where you want to go.
This is part of the problem with the majority of the BDSM community, especially for those who may be considering or just entreating the lifestyle – it’s that they show an “end state” which normally consists of anal sex, deep throating, bondage, spanking, squirting, cock sucking, amazing positions, toys galore, suspension, mouth fucking, rope and a lot of other yummy stuff.
I want to take Kasai to a couple foreign countries that I’ve been to, and some that I haven’t. Right now – I could care less where exactly we go – just so long as we are together, and make it there. Now that I know the bigger picture of where we are going – then I can start to figure out the smaller picture.
The problem with the porn – a) it’s all sex, and b) it’s an exact address.
On it simply being about sex. Kinky sex is awesome, if that’s all that you want. But any form of D/s, M/s, TIH, power exchange (total or otherwise), and others is more than kinky sex.
There are countless recipes of how each relationship works, but they all involve more than sex. And most websites fail to talk about that, or if they do, they simply talk about micromanaging. Still, you have to consider more than the actual moments of sex when trying to figure out where you want to go.
How about the exact address? My friend tells me to come to their place in San Antonio. I have an address – but how the hell do I get there? See, I know the end state, but what I need are some check points along the way – I need to start planning.
And again, this is where all of that awesome BDSM porn leaves you hanging. This is where the vast majority of websites and books leave empty pages and white space. Because what’s painted is an arrival destination, but they aren’t talking about the trip itself.
You have to know where you’re going. And in some ways its good that you can so easily see some finished products. Though, I should also caution, that you will never actually arrive – 1 year, 5 years, 10 years – you will always be emerging.