:: submissive emotions

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m a man – and at the end of the day, I can only talk from my experience and speculations about emotions. But it’s worth discussing, even if it is incomplete.

6120696A woman’s emotions can seem like they are all over the place at times. Especially, if we are not communicating, or something is amiss. Add in a D/s angle, and things can become tricky.

Lovers want to please their partner, but in most relationships it seems that sex is something that isn’t really discussed – it is something that is experienced and accepted…I hope that makes sense.

In a D/s relationship, sex is talked bout upfront, during, and afterwards. In fact – everything erotic is talked bout. It’s not something we “just do”. Hopes, dreams, longings, desires, goals are discussed. Directions are given. There is lead and follow.

In this level of active communication about something so naturally intimate, emotions can fluctuate even greater. The sub truly desires to please their Dom.

Whether or not the emotions are valid doesn’t always matter – what matters is that as a Dom you recognize that they exist, and discuss them when felt. A submissive may feel like they are not good enough – and you know that the feeling shouldn’t be felt (because you are more than happy), so you must decide how to deal with it.

In an M/s relationship it might be easier – you punish the slave for the emotion. But in a D/s, it would be wiser to at the same time inform the sub that not only they are wrong – that you are satisfied, but that the emotion is also inappropriate. It isn’t done easily.

Is the emotions always wrong? Not necessarily – situation dictates. How can it be wrong? If it in anyway detracts from the Dominate partners intentions or desires. If a sub completes a task, and the Dom is satisfied, but the sub feels down the sub needs to realize that this emotion should transform itself into pleasure for meeting the original intent.

But the biggest thing to remember, is that the situation will dictate how to handle it. You shouldn’t squash emotions. It would also be unwise to disregard them all together. A strong Dom would allow their sub to discuss these feelings and work through them.

heldThat’s what any relationship does – because shit happens. But it’s how we process the mess of life that defines our relationships – it can strengthen them, or it can ruin them.

Just remember, a submissive needs to feel wanted – and fuel if you fuel that need – you will feed needed. A Dom needs to feel needed – if you fuel that need – you will feel wanted.

9 thoughts on “:: submissive emotions

  1. Thank you for this post, as a sub my emotions are the hardest of my struggles; to be able to communicate them with my Master even if mostly through my blog has been essential. Feelings must be validated. šŸ˜‰


  2. A wonderful post Sir. This rang true just this morning for darling and I. I awoke feeling wonderful about the previous nights play. darling on the other hand was struggling with some emotions. She was worried about some of what had happened the previous night. Was I happy with her? Had she done good? Did I respect and appreciate her for what she had given? All questions that she already knows the answer to in her heart but was questioning in her mind. That she knows the answer does not mean that I do not need to acknowledge her feelings and help her through them. Quite the contrary. It is my responsibility as her Sir and Daddy to help her understand them. We spoke and her struggle faded this morning. Our connection was made stronger for it. I will say that being a DD/lg dynamic adds another element to this discussion. As you said, M/s punish, D/s discuss and inform. DD/lg requires discussion, information, and a “little” extra special care to make sure she understands the true depth of love that is felt for her. At least that is my experience. Thank you again for your post.


    1. Very informative. I think it’s something that everyone deals with – in every kind of relationship. When it comes to sexual matters, it can (but doesn’t have to) be harder. As the dominate parter, as you stated, it is our responsibility to to walk through these different feelings and questions. I especially appreciated your sharing and the insight that “Our connection was made stronger for it”!


  3. I do my best to stress communication on my blog. Why is it so hard for couples to talk openly with the one they love. Your blog post makes perfect sense..


    1. Communication is key in every relationship – among friends, couples, spouses, co-workers – it’s an important element for a healthy relationship – and when it is degraded or fails, is normally when issues arise. We could all work to be better at it.


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