Latin for the “negative way”, via negativa is the process of knowing something, by knowing what it is not. I thought I’d share a few posts on what I and Kasai are not, to share what we are.
Disclaimer: simply because we are not a specific way doesn’t mean that I/we don’t condone how others construct their relationships.
While there are many forms of DD, they pretty much share one thing in common – one of the individuals in the relationship is given authority over the other, and a means of enforcing that authority – typically spanking. Beyond things sexual in nature, a DD relationship involves more of the every day life. Should the submissive partner make a mistake – for example in the picture above, the dominate may use a spanking for discipline and correction. Fuck up dinner – spanking. Argue with the dominant – spanking. Put too much starch in the collar – spanking. Wrong type of coffee – spanking.
I tend to relate a DD relationship as a Master/slave light – the partners typically don’t use the words “master” or “slave”, but for the most part they share very similar attributes.
As I said, every DD relationship is different, but typically this the norm. It centers more on one of the partners being submissive in every aspect. Kasai and I are not a DD.
For years, Kasai made a lot of decisions for us – as I placed her wants and desires ahead of mine, and that took a toll. I can remember a few times when she would look at me and say “Just make a decision”. Kasai doesn’t want to make all the decisions, and I’m not going to say absolutely that in the future we may or may not add some areas into our structure; however, I’m not going to bend her over m knee if she burns my dinner. Again – that’s just us.
I can understand why a couple might be in a DD though. It could be because of religious or cultural reasons. Or it could be to add ‘something’ (be it structure, a connection, leading/being led, etc) to the marriage. I would only caution against any flavor of DD that results in one partner becoming less than the other.