:: M/s | Tops & bottoms

Thought I’d continue on from my previous post about what Kasai and I are not and start to drift into what we are. There have been some good posts by others lately about not defining who you are as a couple – and I thought it was really well thought out – check out wildwestangel’s article for yourself here.

Again – simply because Kasai and I may not connect a certain way, does not mean that we look down upon others way of connecting – and it should be noted that we too are still emerging.

master-slaveA slave is typically looked at as one who submits in all areas of life to their Dominant partner, or Master. Though I may have to generalize here a little, I do recognize that different people assign different definitions to these and other words.

That being said, being a slave doesn’t mean it’s not consensual; however, everything from how they dress to what they eat is under scrutiny. The power exchange is total – and applies all the time, and it is generally understood that there are no limits controlled by the slave.

A bottom on the other hand, is typically one who relinquishes control to their Top during sex alone. They set limits on their sexual submission. They may, or may not be masochistic.

Most people look at it as some kind of sliding scale – with bottoms on one end and slaves on the other.

Kasai isn’t a slave. I may call her my slave, I may place a collar around her neck, but I recognize that she is my life companion and I don’t try to control every aspect of her life. She’s also not a bottom – she submits to me more than when we are fucking.  Kasai submits her sexuality (which is a pretty large spectrum) to me – as I’ve mentioned we still talk about what that means, and explore different edges of it.

I think the important thing is to not be defined, don’t be set in stone, don’t stay stuck on one picture of what you think you should be. Any relationship requires communication let alone any element of dominance & submission.

6 thoughts on “:: M/s | Tops & bottoms

  1. You have put this perfectly. Your relationship should not be set in stone. Or stuck in one picture. Of you are you limit growth and you limit communication.

    We, Daddy and I, classify ourselves as Daddy/baby girl but I feel I am very close to a space as well. My service to him He has even said is more than He ever expected. But everything I do, I do because I have a need to show Him my love. My commitment. My desire to please Him. This is not just in the bedroom. But in everything. I also have chosen to ask for everything. However if Daddy isn’t available to answer I am allowed to make the decision myself and then He always asks how it was afterwards. He has said He doesn’t want to micro manage me. I don’t need it but that He is happy to answer any question I feel I need or want to ask that day.

    I think it’s important too to let your story go where it naturally is going to go. Don’t try to force the other to fit a definition. Let the other person learn and grow. Talk about it. Be open with needs and desires. It will make the story richer and better. I promise.

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    1. Thank you much for the thoughtful response. “I think it’s important too to let your story go where it naturally is going to go” – couldn’t agree more! Best to you both!

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