:: BDSM Training

If the purpose of training is to teach, show, improve, demonstrate, or otherwise expand, it could be said that every moment should be considered training opportunity for something. From a quick correction to a planned moment they are all important.

On The Spot (OTS)

OTS training is often overlooked and marginalized. These are the quick without notice corrections or instructions, that might be categorized by statements such as “Not that like, that this”, “A little wider”, “This time with both hands”. A Dom might be hesitant to use OTS training because of concern for how the sub might take it. Nobody in life dreams of being corrected, and people often take things personal – but the Dom shouldn’t be slow to offer OTS guidance. The sub wants to please and desires to improve. Without OTS instruction, the sub will believe that everything is fine – meanwhile, the Dom is frustrated that “this isn’t what I wanted”. Subs, remember, don’t take it personal when provided with OTS corrections – your Dom loves what you’re doing already! Be sure during aftercare or a free time to discuss any concerns if you need to.

It all comes back down to communication.

Planned Training (PT)

There should always be PT. Always. There is always something that can be explored, expanded, improved, etc. First thing, is to plan it – that’s why it’s call “planned training”. If you don’t plan the session, your desire will not play out. If you don’t plan the session, it may still be a awesome and amazing moment, but you will find yourself in repeat mode on a fast cycle. Using sessions as a training opportunity can dissolve the redundancy.

Think about where you want to be, and deconstruct that image down into smaller pieces. Once complete, develop a PT session around it. The session doesn’t have to simply be 1, it could be one month of focus. Odds are, your sub will need some time to master the craft, so don’t be concerned about how long it takes. At the end – what you want is a sub who wants & desires to use what you trained her on.

4 thoughts on “:: BDSM Training

  1. This is such a valid point. I myself have been guilty of expectation. I talk through a task or position then expect compliance and excellence. What I can be guilty of is missing the training step. Of course some of this is due to my own reverence of that which is Mine. I recognise her ability to know and learn, but what a difference some training might offer.
    I will be taking this on board. I will also be discussing the ‘it’s not personal’ dichotomy.
    Well said.


    1. Thank you for your comments! I think it’s easy, in any relationship to overlook some of the smaller things – and it certainly is true in a D/s one as well. The sub may take something personal at first, but truthfully, IMO – a sub desires to be corrected, because they desire to please.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wise words, thank you for this piece! Correction is craved as an inherent part of the desire to please. I enjoy harmony in my relationship as well as as the feeling of satisfaction that correction brings. Knowing that I am pleasing him by learning to create an atmosphere that is increasingly more pleasurable and serene is the gift I personally receive as a result of being corrected.


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