:: BDSM Basics

tumblr_m58xf4U98o1qflndpo1_500Establishing a D/s relationship isn’t easy. Sex (only one aspect for a D/s couple) is a taboo topic for most people. We don’t often have a sit down with our partner before having sex and say like “I’m going to spank you until you cum” or “Bend over so I can fuck your ass with my strap on”

These are probably sure fire ways to end a relationship it before it even gets going with most people.

But it’s not just kinky questions we steer away from it’s even the  more vanilla questions. People generally don’t talk enough about our fears, our desires or what we think “great sex” is. The best we often come up with is asking about how many sexual partners they or we have had.

Sometimes we don’t want to ask because it’s for fear of rejection. Other times it’s because we might be afraid to know. But if you want a great sexual life – and definitely if you want a D/s relationship – you MUST talk about it.

It’s not always easy to do. People often carry baggage from being hurt in the past, or think their fantasies are too dark. But in a  healthy relationship we need to trust our partner isn’t going to reject us. In most cases – your partner most likely has the same leanings as you.

The biggest step is opening up and saying “Have you ever thought about…..”

6 thoughts on “:: BDSM Basics

  1. Yes. Yes. Yes! Remember the line in the diner after she faked the orgasm- “I’ll have what she’s having!”

    Talking about sex- sexual tendancies- sexual desires- sexuality- can be difficult for those who have never talked about it. Ask a woman who’s faked an orgasm the reason she did it and you’ll find that she will most likely say “to give her lover the confidence to cum.” -or some variation of that because he was less than a good lover. And sometimes when the two do talk, it’s with not enough honesty for fear of “hurting someone’s feelings.” You know what, life’s too short for that.

    “I want to have an open, direct and honest conversation with you for 15 (or longer) minutes about sex. Can we please do that?”

    “Yes, is there something wrong?”

    “No, I want to tell you what I enjoy about ‘lovemaking’ and what I would like you to do more of.”

    Notice that there is NO reference to gender in that? Notice that it’s positive, not negative? Either one can start it. Both have to agree to not be offended. Both have to want to please the other. Both have to want to put it into practice.

    Men: If you addresses her needs and give her the pleasure she craves, you’ll watch her explode, with you not far behind. And she’ll cling to you better than any plastic wrap and have no interest in taking up camp elsewhere.

    Women: Give him what he needs and he’ll see your efforts and want to give more back. He won’t have a reason to go look for it anywhere else, let-alone think about such a thing because he’ll be so preoccupied in gifting your pleasure.

    Personally, all of the BS in our society has produced good guys who are bashful when it comes to really sitting down and having an open discussion with their girl about sex, you’re right, probably for fear of rejection. I can personally vouch for having this single element of conversation being a game changer in how well and easily Mynx has come to know her own body and it’s responses and responsiveness. Now she’s a virtual orgasm machine, screaming out in ecstasy with every convulsing explosion, sometimes as many as 40 or 50 orgasms in a single scene. I’m no superman, simply, through open discussion and direct dialogue, I have listened and I know how to build up the anticipation within her, bring it to a crescendo, then taunt and stimulate her body into O after O. But you have to listen and it’s a two way street.

    Whew. Sorry for the rant. Great topic!

    -Love Passionately-

    -Tom Wolf (Mynx’s Sir)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree!
      Kasai and I didn’t talk about sex for a long time. Once we did things began to change. She once asked me if I was bored or upset in the past – and the answer is no I wasn’t. But our connection has deepened so greatly it’s often difficult to describe.
      Another important element in all of it is the connection between daily life and sexuality – they feed off of each other in many dimensions.
      And I can attest to the uncountable orgasms – Kasai is the same way, most of the time I can’t keep up with how many she experiences. It’s often like I’m a conductor leading the orgasmic orchestra – so many elements working to bring forth an erotic explosion.

      Take care!

      Like

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