:: BDSM Emotions

tumblr_na0btuSgJt1tcy75jo4_500I’ve always found it interesting some of the search phrases used that have found some people onto my little space here on the internet. Over the next few posts, I thought I’d share a few of them and some thoughts about them.

The first one is “BDSM Emotions”.

Now, Google thinks I should be asking for “BDSM Emoticons” – which I find both amusing and intriguing. But the persons who used this search phrase ended up on the 3rd page before one of my pages about submissive emotions appears.

This is a pretty important topic though – and it’s one that often isn’t talked about as much as it should be. 

One of the things to remember is a submissive wants to please, and this desire can lead to a wide range of emotions – especially if/when things don’t go right. But it’s not just when things go wrong – even when everything is going perfectly, there can be a heightened sense of emotional feelings that may lead to an overdose of erotic sensations.

On the first part, Dom’s need to be aware that when things don’t go “right”, it probably wasn’t a “fuck you” moment. Shit happens. Life happens. Sometimes we aren’t clear enough in our direction, other times our timing sucks. Sometimes a submissive will put their best foot forward and do their best and find difficulties. Rarely will a submissive simply refuse their Dom.

As a Dom, how we respond to these emotions can lead to strength or sustained issues. If I recognize that Kasai wants to please me, if I become angry or dissatisfied with her, her feelings of rejection will only deepen. There is only so much of “Trust in me – not in what you think I am feeling” will go – especially in the moment. 

You need to talk to your sub and discover the root cause. Through the conversation, if you can lead your sub to discover for herself that things are okay – even better. But I would be cautious on rebuking and punishing as a knee-jerk reaction.

These actions will lead a submissive to not open up to you, and worse – to not desire to be submissive. 

On the positive side of the emotional aspects are those moments where a sub becomes overloaded – we often call this “subspace”. I’ve witnessed Kasai’s body become so overloaded from orgasms that it stopped for about 20 minutes. Her ability to receive pleasure was gone – numb to the pleasure. The physical response caused Kasai to almost become upset – it helped when I was ecstatic. With just a little time, her body began to accept the sensations, and of course I continued to do more interesting things.

After a scene, a submissive’s body, mind, and spirit can take some time to recover. A Dominant should be attentive and care for their submissive. Often times, a sub will be cold or have the intense need to be held. Other times they may find it difficult to get out of bed and will need assistance. Their body may be dry or become very thirsty. 

The actions a Dominant takes during aftercare can lead to a deepening bond or create a sense that the Dom doesn’t care. As a Dom, you want your submissive to return to this space – so care for her. Hold her – caress her body – talk to her – assist her in moving or getting a glass of water. 

Caring for your submissive when things go right and when things go wrong are all pieces of being a Dominant. Subs look to their Dom for leadership, guidance, counsel, and help. Think about your actions, your words, and work towards your ultimate goal.

3 thoughts on “:: BDSM Emotions

  1. This is a great post. A Dom that take the time to know about a subs emotions is truly a Dom with a good heart. He realizes that a subs emotions play a part not just in our everyday lives but in our world of BDSM too. I have to say you are one of the good guys. Kasai is a lucky woman. Thank you for sharing your wisdom so that others will learn the right way to treat their subs.

    Liked by 1 person

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