:: BDSM Question: Can anyone be Dominant?

RamblingRat asked whether anyone can be dominant or if it’s an inherit trait. If you’ve never checked out her blog about turning lamebos into rainbows, you’re missing out! So, you have a partner who you want to be more dominant and you’re wondering if you might be wasting time, and you’re wondering “what’s a girl to do”. Well….I suppose the answer is both yes and no. The yes part is that anyone can be more dominant. Anyone can make more decisions or take more of a leading role. They can be educated and encouraged. They can be taught to be better leaders and how to take charge. The no part is you can’t force someone to want to do these things. For some, it comes very quickly, or naturally. Maybe they are just “A-type” personalities, or they’ve always drifted to leading. Others learn how, but it just takes time to get used to and comfortable with the idea of what it means to lead. The most important thing is to say “This is what I want to give and to receive – and you receive and give that?” If the answer is anything other than a “hell no”, you’re got room to maneuver. I’d be cautious on trying to transpose too much onto a person, because we all have natural leanings – what Dominance looks like in one is going to be different than another – both are valid and unique, just different. So continue the dialogue. If he is new to the idea, it can be very overwhelming to wonder what it entails. When most people hear BDSM they think one thing, even if most experiences are different. I think it’s great you are talking to him about it and trying to learn if each of you are compatible with the other. But I think I’d also suggest that if you two really do “click” – then that’s more important than a vision of submission or Dominance – after all, most D/s relationships are things that people grow into over time. What someone may not be interested in now, they may desire later. I don’t say that to take away from your current needs or desires, just something to think about.

One thought on “:: BDSM Question: Can anyone be Dominant?

  1. Oh wow, sneaky WordPress unfollowed me from your blog and I missed this! I was wondering why you were so quiet!

    Such helpful advice though, thankyou so much 🙂

    Its funny you say that it can be overwhelming for a vanilla, he actually said to me today “you’ve opened the freaky door, what took you so long!” Hahaha so although its all new, I think he’s quite enjoying it 😀

    Now that you’ve said it can be learnt if one is willing, I will show him your posts to encourage his Dom traits further. Thankyou again!

    Ps. It’s Rambling Goat but maybe Rat is more in tune with my dirtiness 😉 hahaha!

    Liked by 1 person

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