:: BDSM Transition | Kinkier Sex

What happens after kinky sex can vary, it may lead to kinkier sex, or it may lead to a more defined Dominant and submissive relationship (which more often than not includes sex….really great kinky sex). But with the hope of breaking down the transition into several elements, I am going to segregate this next step as kinkier sex.

What is kinkier sex? I’ll define it as anything that probably isn’t talked about in Cosmo or Mens Health. While these types of popular magazines might have articles about anal, blow jobs, new locations or positions, they pretty much end there. But there is something beyond these things.

If you Google the phrase “kinky sex”, it will take you a while to find anything really kinky – in fact, it’s not the best phrase to use for good results. What you will find are about what magazine articles will talk about. You might have a list about light spanking, or being a little aggressive. There may be talk about oral sex.

But your not going to find much of anything about wax, breath play, shibari, water sports, face fucking, use of paddles, crops, or floggers, fucking machines, nipple clamps, electro stimulation, sexual torture, and the list continues…….

What generally happens, is that even those who enjoy kinky sex, it can be difficult to move into anything else, let alone a fetish. To go from using an Adam & Eve vibrator to a fucking machine or to move beyond some light playful spanking to using a cane and leaving some beautiful marks is a lot for some. For many, it can feel like you’re ‘coming out’ to talk about water sports, because you might be concerned about the reaction from your partner.

Typically, the conversation for kinkier sex is the same one for any level of power exchange. And while it can be difficult to find the words, you need to. Because many of these acts are on a different level – some are S&M – and it’s not wise to inflict pain on your partner without discussing it. Others are fetish related, and the conversation needs to happen.

Like with kinky sex, there are ways to initiate it. Go to website that sells toys beyond your standard vibrator or cock ring, and browse there for a while and have the same conversations “It would be great to try this”….”You would look amazing in that”….”I’d love to use this on your”….etc.

But once the door is open, you need to continue the conversation. Look through Tumblr accounts, read articles on the different activities together – become more educated. Many find it useful to use a pre-built checklist or you can create your own to help in the dialogue to help you and your partner figure out where and how far you each want to go.

What’s more is you need to figure out where each of you DON’T want to go and what happens if something gets pushed too far.

Don’t misunderstand me, this isn’t a one time conversation. Kasai and I still talk about these things. As your getting started, it’s going to be important to talk about these activities after you have experienced them to see how each other felt about it. Doing so will continue to generate pleasure by tweaking this or trying that.

2 thoughts on “:: BDSM Transition | Kinkier Sex

  1. Excellent article, we have found that once the trust is established, the floodgates are opened and we are comfortable revealing our most darkest desires to each other. Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen but it’s reassuring that your partner won’t run screaming from the room

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Love this! BoPeep captured my exact feelings. Once the trust grew so did the desires and willingness to experiment. Another benefit of the trust was the ability to say NO THANK YOU to something that was a hard limit for both of us. An amazing journey indeed.

    Annie

    Liked by 1 person

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