:: Handheld Fucking Machine

images-2Had a few questions on the Reciprocating Saw, so I thought I’d follow up with it in a little more detail on all the specifics about it.

WHAT IS THIS THING? First off, it’s a handheld fucking machine. Variable speed at that – the Rigid one in that I have from the previous post is 3,500 strokes per minute. The length of the stroke is 1/2”. It weighs only 5 lbs and is 16” long. It’s very light weight and easy to handle. The variance of the speed depends on how you pull the trigger. It can be picked up for between $50-$80 new (and I don’t recommend used – too many particles would be flying around, LOL)

sawSAW OPTIONS: There are a lot of saws that can be used. From Makita to DeWalt and of course Milwakee. They all have pros and cons. Some are heavier duty (which isn’t needed) – some are cordless (which is a cool option), some are light weight. Trigger placement also varies as well. For the purpose of a fucking machine, I don’t recommend anything too heavy duty, as it’s just not needed.

There are also differences in the strokes per minute and stroke length. Most will be variable, so you can make it VERY intense, or lessen it depending on how hard you pull the trigger. The max stoke length you’ll find is 1 1/8” – and that sounds amazing, because it’s twice as long as the Rigid one I have, but when it’s hand held, you can slide it in and out, twist it, etc etc, so I didn’t feel the longer stroke length was necessary.

When it comes to being plug in or cordless, either way is fine; however, remember that most saws you will see that are sold as cordless do NOT include batteries or a charger, so that will be an additional charge if you don’t already have them.

images-1HOW DOES IT WORK? First thing, you need an adapter like THIS ONE. All of the saws will feature a blade change ability – most are keyless, which you want. You simply pull the blade change lever, insert the adapter, and then release the lever to lock it in place. Most will only accept blades/adapters in one way, so you can’t mess it up. After you have it in, pull the trigger and make sure the adapter stays in place. Some of the adapters are very expensive ($50 plus), but you don’t need anything that expensive.

1361988983After that, you can use any VAC-U-LOCK dildo and slide it right over the adapter. Add a little lubricant and get busy. You can use lightly to stroke over the clitorus, or penetrate the vagina and let the new beast do it’s magic. It won’t take long, I can promise that. I certainly wouldn’t advise using it anally unless you are well to that point; however, I believe any woman would be able to take it vaginally. It may take some getting used to, because it’s going to be powerful – this isn’t going to be a toy you can use for hours on end, LOL.

I hope I explained this with enough detail to make it make sense – this is the EASIEST fucking machine that you can put together – it takes no mechanical abilities, it’s very cost effective, and the parts themselves are pretty ordinary, so if someone sees a saw, well…it’s a saw (of course if they see it with the adapter and the dildo, that’s a different story, LMFAO).

So, the next time your at Home Depot or Lowes, or another local lumber store, stop by and check them out. Get you hands on them, feel the difference in the weight and the ergonomics.

13 thoughts on “:: Handheld Fucking Machine

  1. What I’d really like to know is how slow it goes. Any power tool is going to have a top speed that is way higher than I would ever need. Which is awesome! But all motors have a bottom speed, and I haven’t found one yet in a power tool that is slow enough (for penetration, that’s at most 3 to 5 Hz). I’ve heard some say just press the trigger partway to get a slower speed, but I find that difficult, especially to hold steady for any length of time. Do you know of a solution? This is a sincere question and one I’ve puzzled over for some time. Thanks!

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    1. While not all saws have variable speed, most do – in the range of 0-2800 strokes per minute. A light touch on the trigger will give you a slower speed, while depressing the trigger the entire way will give you the full speed. The saw that I purchased is variable, I’ve used it, and it is very easy to control the speed for penetrative purposes. It is also light weight and easy to control for longer periods of time. Here’s a link to the one I have: http://www.amazon.com/Factory-Reconditioned-Ridgid-ZRR3030-One-Handed-Reciprocating/dp/B005BIAFLU/ref=sr_1_1?s=hi&ie=UTF8&qid=1421680956&sr=1-1&keywords=reciprocating+saw+rigid

      I think I paid around $70ish for it at Home Depot.

      I’d recommend going to the store and putting your hands on some, seeing how they feel, ask to plug one in and give the trigger a try to make sure it will do what you want.

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