For me, a D/s dynamic must be rooted in love and respect. There are many different dimensions in BDSM, and some of those are abusive, which can sometimes make some of the beautiful things hard to see – but I believe they are…or can be there.
Actually, I’d go further in my 1st sentence to say that all relationships should be rooted in love and respect. Just like within BDSM – many relationships of all kinds are not. All you have to do is watch the news, read Facebook, listen to a politician, and the list goes on.
Because we are surrounded by so many ways that are not based in love and show little respect, it can make it hard for us to view our own relationships in such a way. Many times, we end up with a selfish world view when this happens.
When love is primal – we seek the other’s needs, wants, and desires with as much ferocity as we do our own. When respect is rooted deeply in our inmost being, we retain the ability to interact to the other with authenticity.
It’s not always easy to do – we are fed from birth and from every direction (political, social, economic, spiritual, etc) that others must conform to “our” ideals – so much so, that we use ourselves as a baseline in determining if others are in/out/loved/damned/hated/etc – after all, in all these other directions everything is either this – or that.
It’s either loved or hated
It’s either liberal or conservative
It’s either damned or saved
But what if there was more to the story?
I believe there is – I believe that love wins. I believe that I should respect the other in an authentic way, and seek to reconcile with integrity.
What the hell does all of this have to do with BDSM you ask?
In a word: everything.
I hope, through the next few weeks to look at this idea through different lenses to elaborate with more than just a single word.