I think most of the time, the censoring comes from good intentions – I mean after all, I don’t complain that the cartoon movies my youngest daughter enjoys don’t revel in death, sex, or drugs.
Some censoring is okay.
But we have a tendency to censor everything – and it often results in there existing two realities – the one that is seen, heard, and accepted and the one that is unseen – felt within. The problem is of course, that you can’t talk about it, because it’s censored – it’s taboo. Conformance is demanded.
If you don’t conform, you get escorted out – yelled at – rejected by family and friends – you get beat down. And because of the censorship, people have a tendency to not deal with major issues.
Again, some censorship is okay – like in those areas where it may adversely impact another in specific ways – don’t incite riots – don’t put the XXX movies next to Disney movies – don’t use your position to physically, mentally, or emotionally abuse another.
I told Kasai a while back that I want us to love each other uncensored (or something to that effect). A D/s dynamic almost by nature requires this – almost. While a vanilla relationship may sustain decades of censorship, non-vanilla will have issues very quickly that will become rancid if not dealt with.
You see, I want us to be able to communicate with each other and not feel ashamed, judged, or feel some how less than. I want us to demonstrate our love (both sexually and non) without the feeling that something is wrong – I want us to feel the true freedom we have to dance with each other.
To love uncensored requires a lot of things. You see a lot of times, we feel and act as though we aren’t children, but we are a lot of times – just because we are grown, doesn’t mean we are done growing. And many of the lessons we want our children to learn, we need to master.
Patience – you probably have goals, and the journey is often filled with life, so be patient with each other. The child wants everything “now” and can’t process it well when things don’t go their way. Be patient with yourself and with your partner – Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Listening – hear the other, their feelings, thoughts, desires, and needs – let it resonate and truly seek to understand. The teenager often says “You just don’t understand” – don’t be that to your partner. Active listening skills demonstrate your love in meaningful ways.
Activity – on a couple levels – act positively on your partners needs – and act on yours unselfishly. How many times has the parent said “It’s better to give than to receive” – it takes some maturity to give to another – more so to give not what you want to give them, but what you know they want/need – even more to give what you know they want/need simply relish that moment wholly – no false demands on something in return.
Receive – sometimes, this one can be hard – but you need to learn how to receive. From physical to verbal and non verbals – we need to learn how to receive praise and guidance – we need to learn how receive physically as well. How many parents have scorned their kids for reacting to a gift negatively on Christmas or a birthday?
Talking – You have to learn how to talk – to share your emotions and feelings. To do so without judgement, bias, or the need to have to always be right. Don’t talk just to be heard – communicate to engage with a purpose.
Mutuality – you have to give and receive – you have to talk and be heard. Working as a member of a team isn’t always easy – we fight almost everything, we can’t deal with a loss….and intimate relationships are hard – so many end up ending poorly. But there is a sacred understanding of being and purpose in community. You – or your partner – can’t always be the one who is giving or receiving – you have to be a team and live life together.