:: Foundations | Taboo Nature of Sex

Gallup polls tell us that the majority of Americans have some form or another of a spiritual leaning. While this ins’t surprising to me, I think we can see how it affects the world of D/s pretty easily.

videowalltaboo_360_259You see, if I walk into a bookstore, I’m going to find a few shelves filled with books about sex – all kinds of books – about all kinds of sex. But if I walk into a “christian bookstore”, It’s unlikely I’ll find one.

Sexuality is in every vein of life – television, fashion & style, the internet, physical elements, books, emotional aspects, magazines, health & fitness, movies, and it goes on and on. In spite of it being everywhere you look, because it is a taboo topic for most people, because it’s taboo in the church.

This isn’t a new phenomenon. For ages, the church has pretty much declared that if you’re not married sex is wrong – if you masturbate it’s a sin – if you fuck for any reason other than to procreate it’s not right – if it’s in anything else other than vaginal sex it’s immoral, and btw, sleep in separate beds.2012-01-23-no-sex-sign-500x350

Now, I’m not suggesting that sex needs to be the #1 or even #10 top thing the church talks about – but when the only way it can talk about it is negatively, then everything about sex becomes unnatural.

From anal to oral – from self pleasure to the enjoyment of “pain” – from the use of toys to the any kind of kink. Obviously then any form of D/s is out of the picture. It’s all wrong and sinful.

There doesn’t seem to exist a language to talk about sexuality in a positive way.

Our sexuality is linked to our emotional, physical, mental, and social and spiritual aspects of our health. Sexual expressions are an overflow of our values and beliefs about ourselves and our partner.

We aren’t raised with clear guidance and understanding of these aspects, and many of us have scars and deep hurts. Just as with these other elements, when it comes to sex we don’t talk about what it means, what it represents and provides.

If my knowledge about sex is that it’s ultimately bad, or a chore, then I don’t really know how to express myself in a meaningful way.

I believe sex is often talked about wrong in the media – it’s often abusive, but these images don’t shake my core beliefs about sex and our sexuality.

I believe that sex is pure, sacred, and good. I believe in passion, in demonstrating my passion to my lover – not simply in ways that I want to, but in ways that are pleasing to her. I believe that when we have sex, it is an expression of our oneness. I believe in exploring and satisfying.

Because of all that – I love (in my best Dr Suess impression)

fast sex, slow sex – hard sex, soft sex

long sex, short sex – dressed sex, naked sex

anal sex, oral sex, vaginal sex, toy sex, hand sex

I like whips & chains, crops & plugs, paddles & kneeling, spreader bars & clamps, presenting & tables, rope & anal hooks, vibrators & floggers, wands & benches, heels & hose, collars & service, candle wax & ice, hands & anything in them. And more….

I love massages and holding hands, kissing, sharing our breathing, and simply looking into each others eyes. I love simply cuddling with each other and being with one another.

And yes it’s true – I love making my wife endure more orgasms than either of us can count.

There isn’t much that I would consider taboo between us. Years ago, I didn’t know we would enjoy these things – hell some of them I didn’t know existed.

17 thoughts on “:: Foundations | Taboo Nature of Sex

  1. Well I was raised Roman Catholic. The church doesn’t talk about sex (the priests just quietly molest the alter boys), and of course the church’s official party line is that sex is for procreation within marriage. Sport fucking, according to the church, is pure evil.

    And they’re quick to tell you that “Jesus didn’t have sex”, that he never gave into his base urges.

    In Catholicism, the only time you hear sex or male/female relationships mentioned in a positive way is during the wedding ceremony. Because the church celebrates & approves of sex between man and wife.

    The church frowns on condoms birth control, & homosexuality. And I understand none of this. I mean, are they going to pay my medical bills when I get an STD because my partner refuses to wear a condom?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. The Lutheran church is “catholic lite”, so I completely get that. They (the Catholic Church) don’t talk about sex, about relationships, other than to say if you have sex before and/or outside of marriage, it’s a sin.

        My sister, who is married, she got married in a catholic ceremony, and in order for her & her husband to be allowed to marry in the church they had to take something called pre-Caana, a workshop for couples who want to marry…in order to be allowed to marry in the church they had to pass the class, prove that they were deserving of being married in the church. According to my sister, the workshop was about two things really: money and sex. Basically she & Gregg (Gregg being the guy she is now married to, the father of her children) were taught that the way to manage money in a Christian marriage was to put it all together in one account & for Gregg to have control of it (regardless of whether she works outside the home or not) and she was taught that to be a good wife, she should make herself available to him sexually whenever he needs her that way. Now my sister & Gregg met freshman year in college and dated six years (they both finished undergrad and each got an MBA) before getting engaged, so they knew each other VERY WELL by the time they were setting a wedding date & taking the ludacris pre-Caana workshop. They’d figured out what to do with the money between themselves without needing a priest (a man who never had money OR a wife) to tell them, and she’s my sister so I don’t wanna know what their sex life is like (they have two children, they both function, they’re attracted to each other, please dear god spare me any details beyond that). But there are people who don’t date for six years before getting engaged, there are people who don’t know how to be married and manage money TOGETHER, and the church says “we’ll tell you” and presents only one, 1950s-sounding way, and says, “this is the right way”.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. To your follow on response about your sister:
      I believe it’s easy for some to, for a variety of reasons, push for things that don’t necessarily align with the core beliefs of the group. Having said that, I’ve also been in and around several non-denom churches, AoG churches, and Episcopalian churches as well. All of them have issues – but they are all filled with people, so that doesn’t surprise me. But there have also been folks in all of them that had an honest desire to know that which was greater than themselves – and did so humbly.
      Glad your sister and her husband are walking life together!


      1. And they’re walking life with money in 3 bank accounts, his, hers, and a “joint” account. There are college funds for the kids, but those accounts are in the kids’ names (not much actual money in those accountscascofvyet, the kids are three years old & ten months old)


  2. I just plain love this post, Emerging Dom. It is exactly what held me back from enjoying the fullness of love, from seeking to please -truly, unselfishly please my husband and in return allow him to please me. Grateful to have discovered on my own that the ‘marriage bed is undefiled’ and everything we share consensually is beyond good, it’s right!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I LOVE THIS! I think my husband and I have had this exact conversation. Almost word for word. 🙂 I came from a Christian (Baptist) background, where he didn’t have any organized religion. My Grandmother was SO concerned about me marrying a man, “Not of God.” I told her that EVERYTHING I know to be true about God and what he expects, is held in abundance in the heart of my husband. He is kind, respectful, generous, giving, polite, modest, humble, loving and cares for me and our children better then anyone I have ever known. He is attentive, giving and just a little wicked in the bedroom, too. He pleasures me, pleases me and I find great satisfaction and relief in providing the same for him. If God won’t accept that kind of man, then I didn’t really know anything about God after all.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I too was raised Catholic. I also was molested by an old priest. So don’t get me started on religion. There are so may hypocrites out there. Check out just two christian sites I found on CDD, Christian domestic discipline.But there are lots more where they came from.

    http://www.surrendered.blog.com/sex-and-submission/ .
    These are the people that just creep me out! The do as I say not as I do people.

    I mean what ever works in your relationship is all that matters. But don’t hide behind some bible, or use it as a power tool to spank your wife. And for crypts sake don’t judge others. Christians are supposed to be kind and non-judge-mental. But they are far from it. It doesn’t matter what they call it. From where I stand they are having kinky sex.

    As you can see I have a problem with religion and it’s teachings. Don’t get me wrong believing that there is something out there greater than us all is a good thing. From what I’ve learned in the church, catholic, Presbyterian, Episcopalian, I’m sure that the story they preach has nothing to do with the higher power I believe in. To me they are all snake oil salesmen. And I don’t want any of their Koolaid. Great post Emerging Dom and I loved the Dr Seuss. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Annie, I can certainly understand your feelings about the church – I hope that in most of your life you have found some redemption and peace.
      There are hypocrites everywhere – not just in the church, though I’m sure they exist in mine as well. Those sites are….interesting to say the least. While I don’t think the Bible should be used to condemn kinky sex, it’s like they used it to command kinky sex.


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