:: BDSM Routines – The Good & Bad & the Ugly

My buddy Webster defines routines like this:

a sequence of events regularly followed; a fixed system

images-1A routine in and of itself isn’t bad. Many find they need a little structure to define or enhance the dynamic. And clearly a routine can do just that. A lot of people want to be in better shape – they want to go to the gym, they want to walk or jog more, they want to lose a few pounds or see some more definition. And so they go to the gym once, maybe for a month, and then….

The desire – the goal didn’t disappear; but without a solid routine, it is very hard to flesh out. We need some accountability, because life happens. We need a partner so we don’t go at it alone.

muscle selfieAnd then, there’s this guy. The guy who is so stuck on his routine, so fixated on what he wants that nothing else matters. His goal comes first. It becomes obsessive. Addictive. To the point where it’s obviously not healthy.

It all kind of goes back to what our goals are. If they are inherently selfless – then a pattern that can flex and change with life can be a beautiful and healthy thing. If at the end of the day, it is selfish, then the pattern will bear selfish fruit.

In a D/s dynamic, many people want to add some structure, some routine, and that can be a good thing – but don’t get stuck to the point where the pattern isn’t fulfilling. You need to be able to deal with life as well. And sometimes, you need to make changes.

Communicating with your partner openly and honestly can help you gauge where you both are at. Don’t take each other for granted. Don’t let the pattern overtake the reason for the pattern.

The origin of this word routine, is route. If we remember that, we can make positive routines in our lives – it’s the path we are on, taking us where we want to go. We can change lanes, we can speed up or slow down. We can take detours or alternative roads, but we stay on the path that is taking you where you want to go. And most importantly – have fun!


:: Kinky Sex Tip #9 | Water Sports

BDSM Meme Kinky Sex meme GOLDEN SHOWERThere is something about water sports that seems to fascinate guys, it starts at an early age.

Manny Alvarez was like some kind of demigod in the 4th grade. He could hit the urinal from 15 feet away with perfection. We were all in awe at his prowess. I can recall numerous camping trips, we would all see who could be the farthest and the longest. It was boyish competition. And of course, there is the relief one feels when they urinate.

When it comes to water sports, there is a hint of sensuality and wonder. You use the same muscles while urinating as you do when ejaculating. When you see a woman urinating, there is a connection with her ejaculation and orgasms as well.

For some, water sports are taboo. For others, it is an enjoyable kink. In my opinion, it’s worth experimenting. As you do, remember the following:

– urine itself is sterile

– nobody wants a “golden” shower – if your urine is yellow, you need to drink more fluids

– though you don’t want to give a golden shower, the golden rule is still in place. while some seem to use it as a means of humiliation, it’s better served with joy, wonder, and as an expression of your sexuality

– most importantly, as with any kink: have fun!

:: More Orgasms than


The average married & partnered healthy woman has sex around 100 times per year. It’s actually less than 100, closer to 80, but 100 makes math work easier. The average woman has a single orgasm roughly 60% of the time. So, each year, the typical woman has less than 60 orgasms per year (and if you’re using your calculator to find out the not so easy division it’s 48)

I can’t speak for all D/s relationships out there – only for mine; however, Kasai experiences….on average, 3-5 orgasms every time we have sex. Sometimes there may only be 1, but other times they flow in waves that are very, very hard to count.

We typically have sex 3-4 times per week, giving her on average 16 orgasms every week. In less than a month, she busts the national average. I guess I could stop then, but I’d probably have hell to pay 😉

“Okay, you met your quota for the year, I’m done here” I say “The fuck you are!” she replies

In a year, she has more orgasms than a Dr. Seuss book has rhymes.

There is so much more to a healthy relationship than sex – but there’s no reason why you can’t have some fucking amazing sex along the way. Yes, I just used fucking as an adjective to an adjective, that’s how great the sex is!

Can I get a “Hell Yea!”?

Let me just put out my belief. I believe that women need more orgasms. 60 per year is…..an atrocity. We had some bad years, so I understand that shit happens along the way. But some form of D/s is yelling like Mel Gibson’s portal of William Wallace “FREEDOM!!” to the masses.

So guys, do yourself, and your partner a favor and liberate your woman! Break the chains! End the cycle! Unleash the beast and set you both free to something that will change the course of your future!

Give her more orgasms than a Dr. Seuss Book has rhymes!

:: Domestic Abuse


The Salvation Army in South Africa used the dress everyone talked about for a week or so and turned it into a visual for domestic abuse.

Statistics tell us that 3-4 million women each year are physically abused. 40%-60%  of police calls on night shift are related to domestic violence. 25%-45% of all women who are battered, are also battered when pregnant.

That’s just the United States. And, that’s just physical abuse.

Violence doesn’t understand invisible boundaries that separate our nations.

Sometimes we don’t see the signs, because we don’t want to. Maybe sometimes, we just don’t know what to look for. But we also don’t know how to talk about domestic violence. Animal abuse seems easier for most people to address and deal with – maybe that’s what there’s more than triple the animal shelters as there are shelters for battered women.

Just like the dress – even if you only think you saw signs of black and blue – ask. Take someone out for some coffee and talk. Be supportive and nonjudgmental.

If you need help – and don’t know who to ask, contact one of these agencies:

In the United States: http://www.thehotline.org

In the United Kingdom: http://www.refuge.org.uk

In Canada: http://endvaw.ca

Cape Town, South Africa: http://www.irfsa.com

In Australia: https://www.1800respect.org.au

:: BDSM Meme | Just for the Sex

BDSM Meme Kinky Sex meme KINKY SEX ONLY

Many people in the BDSM community have not articulated ourselves very well. We like to proclaim that there is no “right way” to do BDSM. We say, as long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual, then go for it.

And then some books are written, and a movie is made that throws the whole community up in a storm of commotion, everyone saying “That’s not REAL BDSM”. Wait…I thought we said there was no “right way”.

Truth is, there is a loud voice in the BDSM community across the spectrums that do think there is a right way. I could find countless pages and blogs that would say things like: “Doms and subs aren’t the real thing, Masters and slaves are”, “Subs/slaves shouldn’t be allowed to have safe words”, “If it’s not 24/7 TPE, it’s not real”, and it goes on and on.

So here’s my take on all of this, you can take it for what it’s worth.

Are you genuinely happy?

If the answer is yes – then I don’t particularly care. I don’t care if you read an erotic novel, 50 shades, watched 9 1/2 weeks or read a blog and drifted into non-vanilla life. We all make our way in somehow. I don’t care if you just have wild kinky ass sex in your bedroom. That may not be my thing, but that’s cool. I don’t care if you have protocols that extend beyond when your having sex. Ours may not impact every area yours does, but that’s okay. So long as there is no physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual abuse – I don’t care.

Have fun, and have amazingly wild ass kinky sex.