:: Kinky Sex Tip #3 – Desire

kinky sex tip, bdsm meme, sex meme

Every poll tells us that guys masturbate. Quite often it seems. While there have been a few moments where I’ve taken care of business while in the same house with Kasai, it hasn’t been that often. But it has happened over the course of 17 years.

Gals, your initial reaction could be a “what the fuck are you doing” – which will surely lead to a potential high point drowning, or it could be “Hmmm – let me finish what you started”.

I’d suggest the second alternative – for a few reasons. First, it says: I’m confident – I’m better at this than you – that’s what I’m here for – I want to help. Let’s linger on this last one, and really just the few words of “I want to..”

Those words when coupled with the physical connection are mesmerizing. It demonstrates your desire for him, and that as I’ll try to express through most of these kinky sex tips is the #1 sex tip of all time.


And that’s Kinky Sex Tip #3 – it’s not about your guy masturbating, and it’s not about you finishing the job – it’s desire.

Guys want to be wanted. They want to feel like their sexual satisfaction is important to you. There are a thousands ways to reveal this to your man, but nothing says it quite like “I’m going to make you come, because I enjoy it – I want to – I love it”.

Now, take it a step further – instead of it being reactionary – make a plan out of it. Go to your favorite porn site and look up something racy to play that will last a few minutes – maybe it’s a full on scene, maybe it’s a compilation video. Put your laptop on the bed and let it play – and tell your beau to come into the room for a minute.

After he comes in, he’ll be quite startled, but as you tell him to lay back, and take care of him, I can promise you – he’ll be ecstatic. You know that feeling you get after losing track of your orgasms – that’s where he’ll be.

Demonstrating desire has an immeasurable affect on a relationship. You can be as slutty or sweet as you want to. Your individual creativity will set the moment(s) apart. Desire also has one of the highest ROI’s of all relational aspects. What you give – you are bound to receive.


UnknownSo, the following can be used a couple different ways – one is for solo use (obviously, that’s the title) – but most of it can be employed by a partner as well. I know it may be a little unconventional for a guy to talk about women masturbating, but hang in there…

In the end, we (men and women) are looking for the big O when we masturbate, and the bigger the better, and as it turns out, many of the same things that your partner will (and should) do with you for you to experience body rocking orgasms you can employ yourself. Now, if your partner isn’t doing that – have them read along.

:: Use lubrication. This is, and isn’t the number one tip. Lube isn’t always needed – but it always helps things go…smoother. Whether your playing with your clit, or using something to penetrate with, a little lube goes a long way. There are all sorts of them out there, and it just takes a little experimentation to find out which kind is the best for you.

:: Set the Scene. I’ve shared in other posts about the importance of having a place designated as sacred for sex – now, ANY place is good – and can be GREAT, but having a place that is unique helps to separate vanilla life from getting your self-mojo on. For most, this is the bedroom – so clean it up, get rid of the laundry, light some candles, play some music, etc. Back to the other places – explore in those as well – it can be rather hot to masturbate in other places, so let your kinky adventurous side have some fun too.

:: Explore Your Body. It’s always different when your lover touches you compared to when you touch yourself – this is true for all of us, but it can heighten your senses if you linger on other parts of your body – breasts, neck, legs, stomach, arms, etc.

Of course there are the primal erogenous zones – your clit and G spot – they love it when you stroke them just right. Hitting your G spot can be harder to do, but there’s a tip coming up that will help with that! But to use your hand try this:

tumblr_m3x2g0KACM1roo8pfSit back against your headboard or wall and insert your index and middle finger from your dominate hand inside and make a ‘come here’ motion with your fingers – you should feel a walnut sized sponge area – this is your G spot – keep caressing it. Now, the more aroused you are, the easier this is, so it may be better for a subsequent orgasm rather than the first. Keep making the ‘come here’ motion until you feel yourself ready to explode (may feel like you have to pee – but it’s not, don’t hold back) and let it go.

tumblr_mezhuv1c951qiiunto1_500:: Use your Imagination. Watch porn – yes, I know the cliche that most women don’t like it, but it’s a bullshit cliche to think that because women somehow fantasize about sex less than men. The beauty of today’s porn sites, is you can search for porn that excites you. There are compilation videos of every type of sex imaginable.

Fantasize about somebody in particular – could be someone famous, could be your lover – but focus on the feeling and the sensation. Even when watching porn – don’t see the people in the video – see yourself and the one your fantasizing about.

Though it may feel strange to sensor your own senses – experiment with using a blindfold and/or the use

:: Focus on not-focusing. Sometimes, you can masturbate and it seems like “what the fuck is going on, O already!”. It’s fun to touch yourself and feel the beautiful sensations, but come on, we’re masturbating because we want to orgasm. So, let yourself go – feel the sensations. Meditate on the moment of climax – think about the times in the past where you have had amazing orgasms, where when you came it seemed like you were in outer space – let those memories be your focus – feel them.

Now, mind blowing orgasms aren’t going to always come through some self-help. They don’t when your with your partner either. And that’s okay, they don’t have to. Yes, it sucks – but the release is still good. So, don’t worry about it not being amazing – simply enjoy it!

Now, another tip to build up to a powerful orgasm is to back off. It takes a lot of self-control, but when you are nearing a 7 or 8 on the scale of “oh my fucking god, I’m going to come!!!”, back off so that you don’t. When you’ve simmered back down, commence again – and build back up. The more you do this, the bigger the rupture.

:: Why Just One? I mean, what the fuck? Do you only like to have one serving of orgasms when your with your partner? Hell no. So, don’t limit yourself either. Climax from some clitoral hand jamming, and then go for another…and another 🙂

But seriously, the second one is generally going to be more powerful than the first – so go after it. After all, you want an amazing orgasm. They don’t even have to be at the same time – one in the morning, another mid-day snack, and one in the evening. Nor does every time you touch yourself have to lead to an orgasm – touching yourself without brining an O will only heighten your senses and desire for when you finish the job later.

A lot of people feel some sense of shame by masturbating, or pleasing themselves. It’s taboo in most societies – but you need to learn to let that go and be creative and uncensored when it comes to pleasing yourself.

tumblr_musoyu61SO1sjo6cco1_500:: Get Some Help. The use of toys can be simply amazing for your experience. There are a lot of standard toys – the rabbit,
the vibrator, the dildo. But don’t limit yourself – use water (detachable shower head or even the tub faucet) – use a suction cup dildo so you can mimic fucking a cock (or being fucked by it) – use multiple (slide in an anal toy, etc) – go electric!

images-1The Hitachi Wand is hands down the bar setter when it comes to “Holy Fuck” orgasms. There are all kinds of makes and models (not all of which are Hitachi, btw) – but with this unique toy, you can do some amazing things. Most people play with it on the clit, but explore – you may find that holding it over the vaginal opening will do wonders! You can also get some insertable attachments to chase after the inside of your pussy.

If you’ve got money, you can purchase a fucking machine to rock your world as well. If you don’t have the skills to make one, one of these may set you back up to $300 (though you can find them a little cheaper). One of the beauties of having a fucking machine, is it gives you new sensations and you can feel more submissive while you use one. Of course, there’s no hiding your sexual appetite when someone sees it, lol.

:: Female Orgasms

Sometimes we talk about BDSM facets to a degree, that we often forget to talk about things many people take for granted. Today – it’s the female orgasm(s)!

I suppose one might say that there is only one type of orgasm, but several ways to induce it. Others might say that there are different levels or intensities of orgasms. No matter how you look at it, I’m continuing on.

The Clitoral Orgasm. Probably the most common orgasm. It can be induced by oral stimulation, the use of hands, or other instruments. Not every clitoris responds the same, but most females report that it is intense – yet not as “deep” as others. It’s also a great way to warm up for more!

Vaginal Orgasm. This one begins inside the vagina and can feel focused in the stomach area, or possibly spread from there. The contractions can be deep, and usually takes a little longer to achieve (though not always). Solid rhythmic thrusting is often the go to method for inducing it.

The G-Spot Orgasm. This is the body-shaker orgasm. The climax can explode throughout the entire body. If you’ve never played with the G-Spot, it’s a couple inches inside the vagina, and has a different texture to it than the rest – feels like a course sponge. During arousal it will become more pronounced, and easier to find. While its possible to achieve with a dildo or cock, it’s easiest to achieve using the hands. Have your partner lay down on her back, and insert your middle and ring finger – use a combination of the “come-here” motion, and thrusting up & down.

Squirting Orgasm. Typically from the G-Spot stimulation, the squirting orgasm is very profound. The orgasm can be so intense that the woman often feels as though they were high afterwards. As such, it creates a deep bond. It can be uncomfortable at first, because the woman may feel as though she she needs to pee, and may inadvertently quiet herself and not orgasm. But it’s totally natural, it’s not pee, and everyone woman can achieve it. It is also often induced by using a Hitachi Wand right on her vaginal opening.

Anal Orgasm. There is a strong stigma surrounding anal sex in society, resulting in most women not desiring to attempt it. But through a lot of communication and trust, and a little bit of building up, anal play can be rather enjoyable. Many women report a deep orgasm resulting from anal play – be it from the use of toys or cock.

Mental, Skin & Oral Orgasm. If something can make you wet – it can ultimately led to an orgasm. These are more rare than the G-Spot, squirting, and anal orgasms; but they are possible.  Some report having the O while being spanked, others by giving oral to their partner, some by stimulating their breasts. Big key here is patience.

Knowing how and where your woman can orgasm can lead to a deeper bond, and of course – amazing sex. But it requires that you fuck for more than yourself – you have to be present, to listen and feel your partner, to communicate and to be patient.

:: Water-Boarding ~ BDSM style

water-boarding - BDSM styleWaterboarding doesn’t have to be a devious act performed by government agencies any longer! This is a sure fire way to work up your sub quick-fast and in a hurry. You can use a tub, a sink, a hose – the imagination is up to you! Turn it on, turn it off, turn it on again! Within 60 seconds of this treatment, your sub will be begging for you to stop!

:: History of BDSM iii

History of BDSMMoving to the islands of the Pacific, I thought I’d share some sexual history from some of the most beautiful places on earth.


men tattoo polynesianAs with many places, it can be difficult to understand sexual behavior because it’s a private matter. We learn a lot through artwork, and literature – through indirect means.

The polynesian islands were untouched by westerners for a very long time. Captain Cook made his voyage in the 1700’s along with others and they documented a lot of what they encountered.

There existed different forms of bondage and slavery, and there was a “kaup” system – an elaborate pattern of rules, and punishments that governed relationships.

The concept of marriage didn’t exist. Ellis in 1782 said “there are no people in the world who indulge themselves more in their sensual appetites than these “ of the Hawaiians.

I like the sound of that.

3_Samoan_girls-1902Because of the climate, nudity was more of a norm than seen as being sexual. They played in the water without clothes, they surfed naked. Nudity was also a symbol of death or punishment, of submission or an appeal for forgiveness as well as a sign of respect. Whoever met the King was required to unrobe themselves and lie down prostrate.

People of the same class were allowed any type of sexual behavior. The same word for “orgasm” also means “joy” – pretty cool.

There weren’t any restrictions on positions. Shared masturbation, sex between uncommitted couples, having multiple lovers were all acceptable. Sex was good and healthy for everyone – young and old.

Sexual exclusivity wasn’t practiced except for maybe 20% of the Polynesian cultures. Relationships came and went. Having sex with someone else wasn’t a cause for separation, because holding spite or malice towards another was looked down upon.

Women often had sex because it would be rude to say no. It was a compliment to be asked to have sex. There wasn’t “rape”, but there did exist “romantic abduction”.

Because the Polynesian cultures didn’t have any stigmas about sex, marriage, and other related matters, they found a freedom from many of the fears we often face today. They instructed not only how the “hows” but also the “whys”. Sex wasn’t about what was to be avoided – but a passionate act between two people shared themselves with each other.


:: History of BDSM ii

History of BDSM

Continuing from earlier, I’m moving to the East as we see how the history of sexuality has led us to today.


India has played a major role in sexuality, notably because of the Kama Sutra. I’ve been to India, and I can tell you they are still a very sexual people.

The earlier attitudes of Indian sexuality comes from Hindu, Buddhist, and Janism texts as well as the Vedas. They speak of sex, marriage, and rituals.

Sex was primarily seen as a mutual duty between lovers (primarily husband and wife) – each were to please each other mutually and equally. Sex was typically a private affair (even though there is voyerism in their artwork). Kamasutra1

The Kama Sutra is probably the single most important sexual piece of literature ever written. The Kama Sutra had elaborate positions and discussions about sex.

It also mentioned allowable ways and places to strike ones lover.

But as the English and Islamic cultures arrived in India, sexuality was given an adverse blow – sex became a duty.Khajurahosculpture

Still, there remained a tantric philosophy that lingered – that sex was a sacred act, one that was part of our spiritual journey. Some elements of tantric sexuality avoid ejaculation.

That part sucks.




Sexuality is treated as a central role in many parts of Japanese history. Japan has also had a strong history of being a ‘shame society’ – where honor is most important. This brings a fresh air of service and humility that we often miss in the West.

geishaOriginally, the Geisha wasn’t a prostitute – she was a trained woman in serving a more holistic approach to sexuality – she knew the arts, music, and conversation.

Women were seen as subservient to men in most respects, though it’s difficult to view their culture through Western culture. The service wasn’t necessarily degrading. japanese

Japan also gave us the tea ceremony, bonsai, shibari, food play, and the art of bukkake among other fetishes.




One of the books I’ve had in my library for years is called the I Ching, in it, sexual intercourse is one of the main ways to understand the world. Heaven it seemed is said to have sex with the earth.

Sex of epic proportions!

China as a long history of moments of sexism. But their literature shows an interest in affecttion, unabashed sexuality and all around open mindedness about sex.

In Taoism, sex is a joining energy – something that provides health and wholeness. Dating back to the Han dynasty, sexual activity was seen as a spiritual activity. Ming Dynasty

While women were typically given a place of inferiority, don’t be mistaken – Taoism requires an equal pleasing for both partners.

Confucianism seemed to squash all that though, making sex more of a taboo topic in public life – but taosim remained in the background, eventually springing up in Japan where it grew stronger.

This last picture is from a sex museum – a little bondage on a big cock!

Chinese Sex Museum

:: the high

ImageMy Kasai pleased me very much today. She is such a beauty. I asked her to do something today. As I instructed her over the phone, she seemed to get lost in my words. I was very specific, though as she ventured into her sub space I don’t think she actually heard every word.

She was to text me when she was complete, and ask for permission to please herself. It took me a few minutes to respond, as I was lost in my own feelings over her submission. She had been such a good girl all week – I knew she had to have been nervous wondering if I would say yes, or instruct her to wait. If she had to wait, it would be several days before she would be allowed orgasm as I’m on a business trip.

I told her she had my permission.

The high.

I cannot lie – I found myself high in my dominance over my Kasai. This was really the first of much to come (no pun intended) – and in it, I felt empowered, fulfilled, and satisfied. Something really not too overt. And in Kasai’s submission, she pleased me greatly.

I wasn’t there to hold her, as she came down from her sub space – which took her a very long time – I wasn’t there to caress her body gently, and show her how pleased I am. But I could send a picture of something I made for her – something I knew would both stoke her flame of desire, and make her feel desired and wanted.


Her name is Black Beauty – and I cannot wait to introduce to her to my Kasai.