Yesterday, I mentioned a couple different types of training – On the Spot (OTS) and Planned Training (PT), thought I’d linger around the first one a little bit more today and then the second one starting tomorrow.
As I mentioned, OTS training/instruction/correction/guidance are those singular moments we take to provide insight on an action, process, position, or word that is in process – i.e. your sub is doing/saying something – and it needs to be tweaked.
In that moment, you have a decision to make: is it worth it? Many times, we answer with “no” and let it go – even if it contradicted what our desire was. We often justify our non action by saying “it’s only a small infraction” or “it’s not that big of a deal”.
And it may not be a “big deal” – it may be something as simple as:
“Place your hands on the railing, fingers fully extended and joined”
The sub instead grasps the rail with her thumb in a closed grip (as holding a beer for example).
The Dom notices and says “eh”
In a level such as this – the consequence to the Dom’s non-action is slight – but over time it can be large. You will seem to be wishy-washy at some point. And your sub needs consistency at a very deep level. So be consistent. Make the correction, it could be as simple as “That’s not how I told you to grasp the rail, do it like this” (and demonstrate).
Often times, a sub may not perform a task to standard because they don’t completely understand what your saying. Other times, it may be deeper – each situation is unique and will dictate how to respond – but you should respond.
Another type of infraction where the Dom may not make a correction may be the sub performing an action that is giving pleasure to the Dom – maybe you told your sub to perform oral with a specific instruction (or maybe it just needs to be different) – or maybe you told your sub to dress up for a night out – she looks damn hot, but you really wanted her to wear something else.
You may not have provided specific details, or you may have. But what often happens is “Damn, this feels fucking great and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, so I’m just going to enjoy this” or “Damn, she looks amazing! I really wanted her to wear the other black dress, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings”.
Notice – that each sentence has the phrase “I don’t want to hurt her feelings”.
Listen – you are not going to hurt her feelings. If you didn’t provide specific instruction – that’s okay – simply say “What your doing/wearing feels/looks amazing, but try doing/dressing this way”. If you did provide clear direction, be more point blank, and work to correct the nonconformity.
The point remains – you are the Dominant partner. The submissive wants you to dominate. Making corrections OTS is not going to hurt her feelings. It may, in the moment cause a second of emotional shifting, but in the end, she will be thankful.
It’s always recommended to follow up after a correction. With examples of not holding a position correctly or grabbing the railing quite perfectly – you may not need to (except monitor next time) – but with other ones where the subs emotions can get the best of her, it may be worthwhile during aftercare or a free-time to discuss.