Thought I’d continue on from my previous post about what Kasai and I are not and start to drift into what we are. There have been some good posts by others lately about not defining who you are as a couple – and I thought it was really well thought out – check out wildwestangel’s article for yourself here.
Again – simply because Kasai and I may not connect a certain way, does not mean that we look down upon others way of connecting – and it should be noted that we too are still emerging.
A slave is typically looked at as one who submits in all areas of life to their Dominant partner, or Master. Though I may have to generalize here a little, I do recognize that different people assign different definitions to these and other words.
That being said, being a slave doesn’t mean it’s not consensual; however, everything from how they dress to what they eat is under scrutiny. The power exchange is total – and applies all the time, and it is generally understood that there are no limits controlled by the slave.
A bottom on the other hand, is typically one who relinquishes control to their Top during sex alone. They set limits on their sexual submission. They may, or may not be masochistic.
Most people look at it as some kind of sliding scale – with bottoms on one end and slaves on the other.
Kasai isn’t a slave. I may call her my slave, I may place a collar around her neck, but I recognize that she is my life companion and I don’t try to control every aspect of her life. She’s also not a bottom – she submits to me more than when we are fucking. Kasai submits her sexuality (which is a pretty large spectrum) to me – as I’ve mentioned we still talk about what that means, and explore different edges of it.
I think the important thing is to not be defined, don’t be set in stone, don’t stay stuck on one picture of what you think you should be. Any relationship requires communication let alone any element of dominance & submission.