There are many ways, of course the one most thought of is being obedient. But a Dom wants more than blind obedience – they want a submissive who enjoys the relationship. Most Dom’s want a healthy and lasting relationship – this means that both parties actually enjoy it. But what exactly, does a Dom need to see from their submissive?
A Dom wants to see willingness from the sub. If given direction to perform a task – the sub should seek to find pleasure in it. A Dom wants to see appropriate initiative from the submissive – if something presents itself that the submissive knows will please the Dom – seek to do it without being told.
Many people talk and view submission as a gift – and while I don’t disagree in general (all relational aspects are similar), it might be healthy to understand how this relates to demonstrating submission. A gift isn’t earned like a paycheck (though a Dominant should earn respect and trust) – it is given freely without expectation.
If you look at submission as given for something in return then it’s not truly a gift. Of course a submissive expects and desires something in return – things like respect, guidance, direction, leadership. So in some ways there are strings – but it isn’t like “I’ll submit to you if you tie me up and spank me”. Rather – it’s much deeper.
So a submissive demonstrates their submissiveness by recognizing that it is a gift and gives it freely, happily, and with a whole heart. What this looks like will be different in every relationship; however, there are common shades through all.
The first is releasing authority to the Dominant in areas surrounding areas that the two agreed were within the limits. If a sub said that the Dom has authority over when the two have sex, then the sub will demonstrate her submissiveness by giving herself to the Dom when de desires. The same would be true regarding the where’s and how’s.
And not simply “allowing” it to happen – but enjoying and finding fulfillment. Submissiveness with an eager and hungry heart demonstrates the desire to please the Dom.
Another area would be regarding protocol – whether it’s high/med/ow in private or public every D/s has some kind of protocol for how the Dom desires the two to interact with each other offering a framework for structure. A sub will demonstrate her submissiveness in her participation of the established protocol. More than just “going through the motion” – but finding a deep sense of connection at how the two interact with each other and strengthen bonds through the protocol.
Still another would be in the completion of assignments or tasks. A good Dom spends a lot of time and energy to think about training, so when they instruct a submissive to complete a task a submissive it will generally be interconnected with something much larger. A sub will demonstrate her submissiveness and trust in the Dominant by completing the tasks to the best of her ability.
Those final words “to the best of her ability” are important as well. Firstly, life happens, and neither the Dom nor the sub should look down on themselves or the other for when shit happens – people get sick, we have jobs, kids, family and friends – life is a beautiful mess and that mess can smear itself across your plans anytime. Secondly, while the sub desires to complete the task to please her Dom – it’s important to perform to the best of your abilities. Don’t judge yourself too harshly if you earnestly tried – I can promise you a good Dom won’t – rather they will find such fulfillment and satisfaction in knowing your heart and motives were pure.
These are just a few ways that a submissive can demonstrate her submissiveness to her Dom. It’s more than checking the box or blind obedience. Remember, your submission is a gift – give it with all your heart.