For some, when they enter into a D/s dynamic, the exchange of power goes beyond the couples sexuality. Issues may range from how the house is maintained, or day-to-day activities.
This couple typically finds great pleasure through expressions of love generated by acts of service.
I say this to keep this dynamic love based.
And that’s an important element that often goes by un-talked about. Regardless of the dynamic – the couple should be able to flow naturally and be fueled by love. If the TPE creates an environment where the submissive feels devalued it’s not in love.
I see this in a lot of writings – some using christian overtones, others using porn as their ideal. The dynamic (of any shade) should be filled through expressions of a couple madly in love with each other – not where one is attempting to use their power to control the other.
While the TPE might be 24/7, like the Sexual D/s dynamic, it probably has different faces depending on the situation. We might often describe this as ‘protocol’. When alone the level of protocol might be more overt than when in the presence of others.
Creating different levels of protocol doesn’t take away from the dynamic, rather it allows the couple to express their love through free and natural ways.
Sometimes, this dynamic is entered into, because the submissive is tired of the Dominant partner forcing them (the sub) to constantly make decisions. Other times, the submissive genuinely needs and desires more structure, direction, or accountability.
In order to find the right protocol, a lot of communication will be required (before, during, and after). And when talking about the structure, I would invite the Dom to open a lot of it to the sub. As mentioned, sometimes the sub really just needs and wants a little more accountability – so consider the difference between “You will do this” to “What plan do you want to maintain?” – then, tweak if necessary after some discussion, and then follow through.
I’ll write more about it in the near future, but as an example – when I counsel the people who work for me, and we come up with a plan of action – the plan is generated through dialogue with a lot of input from the subordinate. Later, when we sit down to assess the plan – if something wasn’t completed the conversation is drastically different than if I had simply told them what to do.
It goes from “You didn’t do what I told you to” to “You said you were going to do this – but it didn’t happen” – in other words, there is ownership by the sub to the task. It’s not something forces or coerced, it’s something they helped birth.