Another key phrase used by some people to wander into emergingdom. Some were looking for “step by step” instructions on how to experience an anal orgasm. I believe that there are many people who want to explore anal play; however, it’s mostly taboo in our culture. It’s dirty and nasty. No good girl or guy would ever think about it. This notion becomes engrained at an early age – it’s a part of the value system held by most of Americans.
It’s no wonder, because sex itself is a hush-hush topic. Sure, we all love it, but we don’t talk about it. Before the 00’s, sex on TV and the movies was all done by innuendo, under the sheets, and in the missionary position only. It was only male and female. Anything else would likely garner protests or backlash from sponsors and society alike.
We don’t seem to know how to talk about sex even with our partners. What we like, don’t like, want to try, or fantasize about. Sometimes we might have a close friend that we talk to more openly than we do our own partner.
So, it’s no wonder that anal play, let alone anal sex is so taboo. It’s “exit only” after all. You don’t want to get dirty, contract a disease, or to be considered homosexual after all.
But the truth is, anal sex is a very intimate and powerful moment. Anal play can feel amazing and lead to very intense orgasms. So, how do you experience it?
The first step is to shake off your fears and actually talk about it. But here’s the thing, if it’s been something your partner has felt was taboo, all they will hear is pain-wrong-hell-dirty-messy or any number of other similar feelings.
Keeping that in mind, when you do talk about anal play, it needs to be in the right atmosphere, and not something like “So, have you ever thought about being fucked in the ass?” That’s probably not going to get you anywhere.
So try this – one evening, while your having sex with your partner, apply some lube to your finger and gently rub her ass. Nothing more. The next day ask her how that felt in the moment.
Let a few scenes pass, and then do the same thing. Nothing more than gentle rubbing. Talk about it again. If there are negative value based feelings, the experience of feeling pleasure can help begin to eradicate the fears. But be prepared to continue to move slowly, especially if the negative feelings are deeply implanted.
Once both of you are open to exploring, it’s time to have fun. Start by reading articles and watching films that discuss anal play and anal sex (not porn). Purchase some good anal lube and be prepared to buy a different style or brand. Every woman’s reaction will be different to the lube.
Once you know what lube to use – use it! But just because you know what lube to use, and your ready to use it, doesn’t mean you just slap it on your cock and thrust on in. Again – if you want her to enjoy it i.e. – if you want it again, it needs to be pleasurable. So here’s one way to proceed:
During your moments of foreplay, apply some lubrication to your finger and rub her ass. Begin to press in slightly as you continue to outline her ass. Apply some lubrication to a small (1” or less in diameter) anal plug and slide it in slowly. When I say “some lubrication” I mean enough to allow it to slide in. Yes, it might have been “too much” but until you know how much is too much, it’s better to use more than less.
Once the anal plug is in – clean your hands and use your hands or other toys to make her come. Having an orgasm with the plug inserted will help associate it with pleasure. After she’s had an orgasm or two – feel free to remove the plug and move on to the rest of your evening.
Repeat that several times over a few weeks. Again – you want her to enjoy it – and you have to take it slow, and be patient. Continue to talk about how it feels.
Once she’s become used to the idea of having a plug in her ass, you can continue with a slightly larger plug and increase the amount of anal play during your foreplay. Start off with the same steps I wrote previously – and after her first orgasm, replace the smaller dildo with the larger one. Bring her to another orgasm with the larger plug in.
Buy a good glass anal dildo and use that – if it’s larger than the smallest plug – do the same thing. Use the plug first and then begin to use the anal dildo. Stoke her ass with it as you please her. Make her O as the dildo is moving.
Do this several times, on and off again. Your goal here is after a few times once she is on the verge of an orgasm only use the dildo. If you playing with her clit – stop just as she’s about to come. If your using another toy on or in her pussy – stop just as she’s edging and can fall over the cliff by the use of the dildo alone.
Next time your ready for some anal play, only use sporadic teasing on her pussy as you stroke her ass with the dildo. Let it be the primary source of pleasure.
Once a woman experiences that she can orgasm through anal play, and feels the pleasure it brings to both her and you, she will be ready to move on to anal sex.
But be warned – this process could take time. So, you have to be patient. You need to continue to talk about it. At any point in time there is discomfort or pain – stop. Don’t associate the play with it. Discover if it was the lubrication, the toy itself, or other factors.
If after a light amount of anal play your partner doesn’t want to proceed, don’t make this a big deal. Anal sex isn’t a deal breaker – and you can turn it into one if you do nothing but push.
My sole goal for anal with Kasai was to give her pleasure. Of course I wanted to experience it with her as well; however, her interests were and are ahead of mine. That “sub first” approach allowed Kasai to trust me more, and I was ecstatic when she experienced a squirting orgasm from anal play alone.
Anal play, anal sex, and anal orgasms are all great things – they shouldn’t be taboo, and can be extremely pleasurable for both partners. Have fun, and remember that the right lube, and the right amount of lube is key along with the desire to please your partner.