:: Nothing’s Changed

Sometimes, things don’t really change do they?

:: BDSM Meme | Just for the Sex

Many people in the BDSM community have not articulated ourselves very well. We like to proclaim that there is no “right way” to do BDSM. We say, as long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual, then go for it.

And then some books are written, and a movie is made that throws the whole community up in a storm of commotion, everyone saying “That’s not REAL BDSM”. Wait…I thought we said there was no “right way”.

Truth is, there is a loud voice in the BDSM community across the spectrums that do think there is a right way. I could find countless pages and blogs that would say things like: “Doms and subs aren’t the real thing, Masters and slaves are”, “Subs/slaves shouldn’t be allowed to have safe words”, “If it’s not 24/7 TPE, it’s not real”, and it goes on and on.

So here’s my take on all of this, you can take it for what it’s worth.

Are you genuinely happy?

If the answer is yes – then I don’t particularly care. I don’t care if you read an erotic novel, 50 shades, watched 9 1/2 weeks or read a blog and drifted into non-vanilla life. We all make our way in somehow. I don’t care if you just have wild kinky ass sex in your bedroom. That may not be my thing, but that’s cool. I don’t care if you have protocols that extend beyond when your having sex. Ours may not impact every area yours does, but that’s okay. So long as there is no physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual abuse – I don’t care.

Have fun, and have amazingly wild ass kinky sex.

:: Kinky Sex Tip #6 | Evolutions

It’s important to know where you want to go, otherwise, you’ll get lost. You may get lost anyways, but if you have some kind of an idea – some kind of vision, then you can begin to plan a route to get there.

Most people (I’m assuming) want to be passionate lovers. They want to demonstrate their devotion, their adoration, their desire to please their partner. In a D/s dynamic, they want to demonstrate their Dominance and their submission.

You have to know where you’re at. What you want. How you want it. Where you want to go. That takes honest communication. It also takes a lot of trust.

You’ll never truly be “Fuck Yes” lovers if you don’t talk. If you don’t share your passions and desires.

You’ll never get there without going through the “Okay, I’m Ready” – it’s a process. And while you’ll constantly be emerging, you have to make some movement. That requires some guidance and willingness.

And many things begin with a few “Oh My God” moments. You’re embarking on something new – most people don’t experience kink of any sort the first time without this phase.

Whether it’s a facial, anal, water sports, wax, clamps, or any other kink – to include non-intercourse areas as well, it’s a process. Life isn’t like porn – you don’t just slam your (seemingly non lubricated) cock into her ass and expect her to have a squirting orgasm from it on the first try.

But you know that you want her to eventually orgasm through anal sex (or whatever your goals are)- so develop a way to get there. Because once you get to the “Fuck Yes!” phase it really is fucking incredible.

:: If You’re Kinky & You Know it

:: Kinky Sex Tip #3 – Desire

Every poll tells us that guys masturbate. Quite often it seems. While there have been a few moments where I’ve taken care of business while in the same house with Kasai, it hasn’t been that often. But it has happened over the course of 17 years.

Gals, your initial reaction could be a “what the fuck are you doing” – which will surely lead to a potential high point drowning, or it could be “Hmmm – let me finish what you started”.

I’d suggest the second alternative – for a few reasons. First, it says: I’m confident – I’m better at this than you – that’s what I’m here for – I want to help. Let’s linger on this last one, and really just the few words of “I want to..”

Those words when coupled with the physical connection are mesmerizing. It demonstrates your desire for him, and that as I’ll try to express through most of these kinky sex tips is the #1 sex tip of all time.

Desire.

And that’s Kinky Sex Tip #3 – it’s not about your guy masturbating, and it’s not about you finishing the job – it’s desire.

Guys want to be wanted. They want to feel like their sexual satisfaction is important to you. There are a thousands ways to reveal this to your man, but nothing says it quite like “I’m going to make you come, because I enjoy it – I want to – I love it”.

Now, take it a step further – instead of it being reactionary – make a plan out of it. Go to your favorite porn site and look up something racy to play that will last a few minutes – maybe it’s a full on scene, maybe it’s a compilation video. Put your laptop on the bed and let it play – and tell your beau to come into the room for a minute.

After he comes in, he’ll be quite startled, but as you tell him to lay back, and take care of him, I can promise you – he’ll be ecstatic. You know that feeling you get after losing track of your orgasms – that’s where he’ll be.

Demonstrating desire has an immeasurable affect on a relationship. You can be as slutty or sweet as you want to. Your individual creativity will set the moment(s) apart. Desire also has one of the highest ROI’s of all relational aspects. What you give – you are bound to receive.

:: Kinky Sex Tip #2

There are a lot of distractions in this thing we call life. Some of them can’t be avoided, but if we pay too much attention to them – our relationships suffer. It seems harder to not become distracted, as our connection with the world is just one gadget away.

Most homes have more gadgets that connect to the internet than there are people – phones, computers, laptops, pads, pods, television, ebooks, google glasses, watches – and the list goes on and on.

None of these things are bad in and of themselves – they don’t conspire against anyone. Quite the opposite, they only do what their owners want them to do. They can all be unplugged.

And that’s what we need sometimes – to unplug, even for a short period of time. The consequence is epic.

What it tells our lover is – you are more important to me. You have my attention. All of it. I am yours. I want and desire your time and to give you myself.

Maybe it’s for a conversation, a dinner, or more intimate moments – but we need to be able to shut off the world. It shouldn’t just be a romantic thing we do, it needs to be habitual.

We can say with our words that all of these other things aren’t more important, but we demonstrate otherwise if we are constantly distracted by them.

Be here.

Now.

And while you’re at it, a good spanking is always a positive sign of saying “you’ve got my full attention”

:: Kinky Sex Tip #1

Now, every scene is not going to be earth shattering – and they don’t have to be. Sometimes, what’s needed is a good quickie up against the wall – but you need to become masters in the craft of making sure she can’t walk after sex too.

It takes a desire to put her pleasure ahead of yours. It requires patience and creativity. It means you have to listen to her aches, her moans, and her gasping.

To facilitate placing her amongst the stars, you’ll have to either continue to play after you come, or put your pleasure off for a while. Become familiar with various instruments, because one orgasm isn’t going to do it. Two ain’t gonna cut it either.

No, to reach this level of erotic ecstasy, both of you need to lose count. They need to come in waves. Clitoral – G Spot – Vaginal – Anal – Squirting – not in that particular order, and more than one from each.

But it will also require that you pay close attention to her in aftercare as well. Because she’s likely to be cold. She’s likely to not be able to walk (which is what we were hoping for after all). She may not be coherent for some time as she drifts back to earth.