:: Gentleman’s Rules #11

11

Actions may be louder than words – but words do matter. Words can be creative in nature and cultivate a sense of belonging, redemption, growth, and meaning – or rejection, isolation, death and loss. On a different plane, they can encompass your Dominance (or submission) or they can undermine it. For example, the difference between saying to Kasai “Do <insert activity>” or “I think I would like you to do <insert activity> – what do you think?” Or from the submissive perspective – if a sub says to their Dom “May I <insert activity>” versus “I’m going to <insert activity>”.

As a Dominant, my words should reflect my dominance. As a submissive your words should reflect your submission. 

Both should use words that cultivate the relationship – as well as reflect their Dominance/submission.

 

16 thoughts on “:: Gentleman’s Rules #11”

  8. It’s funny because I still have trouble seeing this.
    I realise that in a sexual context, I enjoy being told what to do. It’s extremely hot.
    But I’ve been told what to do and how to behave far too often during my life, and I’m very weary of it now.
    I suppose it would take a lot of patience to gain my trust enough for me to not only accept but also enjoy being addressed like that or have to speak like that myself.
    Writing this, my thoughts swarm… I guess that as long as I feel I *have to* speak like that, then I wouldn’t be able to. The day I feel I *want to* speak like that, then I’d be happy to do it 🙂

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    1. Thank you for sharing Dawn! The one thing that rings so true is the difference between “having to” and “wanting to” for me.
      I wholly understand your weariness and I hope that there has been no actual abuse (mentally or physically) in your past – but even less extreme forms can have a lasting imprint.

      The way people relate to each other is so very important and should demonstrate the importance of the other, the value of both the individual and the couple, as well as respect in the deepest sense possible.

      What one may believe fits these different ways may be different than another – and that’s the beauty of it really.

      Thanks again and best to you!

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      1. The more I think about it, the more I see that there was abuse in my life. Not the terrible physical one that sounds nightmarish, but the more silent, less visible mental one.
        Tell someone, make them feel that they are not worthy often enough and they will start to believe it. It takes a while to recover, because it took a long time to realise I wasn’t the problem, or at least not the only part of the problem.
        I realise I need to be patient with myself… yet it is hard 😉

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      2. The less visible forms of abuse are indeed abuse – many times we attempt to tell ourselves (and sometimes others) that it isn’t – but anything that demeans another, or causes one to not be uplifted is a form of abuse.

        I believe in redemption. I hope you bloom again in your life and see the beauty within you as well as those in your life.

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      3. I know I have believed it wasn’t abuse for a long time, thinking I was the problem for believing there even was a problem.
        You are certainly right, “anything that demeans another, or causes one to not be uplifted is a form of abuse.” This is beautiful!
        If we go with that definition, I have been abused. A lot.
        Thank you for your kind words. I am blooming now. I still have trouble seeing the beauty within myself, but at least I am able to see it in those who are part of my life.
        It will take a while before I am in full bloom, but that’s the goal. I’m just sad all of a sudden that I lost half of my life being a tormented bud who wasn’t allowed to bloom.
        I know I need to be patient with myself, but it’s hard sometimes. Sigh!
        Thank you for writing this post and helping me confront my issues.
        My wish for you is that your life is as beautiful as the kindness you show a total stranger.
        Thank you.

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  9. My story is very similar to Dawn’s but i am finally in a place in my life to accept the guidance from my Daddy. i am actually working on my own blog entry about this and how i have grown from the shy meek person i was just two years ago, into a strong, independent, and submissive woman.

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