:: Impact Play | Spanking Basics

In the realm of all things kink – there is one activity that seems to be apparent throughout as a primal element. Both the giver and the receiver often state that the act increases arousal, heightens awareness, and deepens an unseen bond.

For most of society, spanking took a negative turn starting in the 60’s with the rise of feminism. While John Wayne may have bent O’Hara over his knee in McKlintock! and gave her a solid spanking, and Desi certainly gave Lucy several spankings, people began to ask how a man has the right to spank a woman. But in the underground, a surge remained that said “I can be respected and spanked”.

To be certain – spankings hold almost a mystical degree of an ability to enhance that which is unseen.

I’ll write more about different types of spankings in a later post. But there are several instruments commonly used.

The Hand. The most intimate instrument. Capable of telling the giver immediately how hard the spankings are. The hand also leaves an amazing red result. The hand is also very versatile. You can use the palm of your hand, the finger tips, you can grip on impact.

The Paddle. Could be leather or wood. Might have holes too. Regardless, they offer an extra bite. The more narrow they are, the more potent the sting.

The Crop. Long and slender – made of leather, the crop will feature a narrow piece of leather at the tip used for implementing a strike. The longer the crop, the more leverage it possesses. But being highly flexible, it is easy to provide smooth smacks.

The Flogger. Because the spread of the impact is so great, a flogger will often deliver a softer blow (depending on the material and specifics of construction). With a rope flogger that doesn’t have any knots in it, the Dominant can put a lot more weight into each strike.

Next – where and how to spank:

Distribution is important to allow for a prolonged spanking. The majority of the spankings should be on the greatest protrusion of the buttocks. A little attention can be placed between the upper thighs and the convex; however, you need to be careful and learn your submissives body well. Avoid approaching the tail bone or near the kidneys to avoid internal damage. While you can flog meaty portions of the legs, breasts, upper back, you want to take each new area with reverence and caution.

Positions to spank:

There are several basic positions to provide a good spanking – though each one has numerous variants. Bent over furniture – over the knee – standing. Here’s a few pics to spark the imagination.

Position: Bent Over Lap
Instrument: Hand

Position: Standing
Instrument: Belt

Position: Over Furniture
Instrument: Spoon

Position: Standing
Instrument: Flogger

Position: Bent over Lap
Instrument: Hand

Position: Kneeling
Instrument: Crop

Position: Standing
Instrument: Hand with squeeze

Position: Bent over Lap
Instrument: Open Hand

:: Best Kept Secret for the Best Sex Ever

I know my last post was about violence, so I thought this next one (before I move on to a short series about bondage) would be somewhat like an antonym. Lets talk about the secret to the best sex ever. Ever!

It applies to the most vanilla sex to the kinkiest sex imaginable.

Whether you’re giving a blow job, kissing, fucking her throat, anal sex, eating pussy, giving a hand job, or using a Hitachi Wand. Whether your spanking soft or hard, using whips, crops, floggers, canes, or your hand. Regardless of if you’re using rope, chains, tape, or gags. Doesn’t matter if you in a missionary position, or a crazy variant of a kama sutra position. You could be in the bedroom, a dungeon, your car, or outside. Fully naked or fully clothed. Regardless of the ‘hows’ there is one secret that will help create the best sex you’ve ever had or could dream about.

It all comes down to one thing. One word.

That one word is: Desire. Passion. Lust. Love. Enthusiasm. Yearning. Present. Longing. Craving. Excitement. Longing. Excitement. Eagerness. Devotion. Intensity. Joy. Adoration. Delight. Elation. Wonder. Energy. Spirituality. Fierceness. Emotion. Power.

Yes, that’s more than one word – but it’s one thing said in a different light.

The point is, if you find yourself doing something out of a sense of duty, or because you feel that you have to, it’s not going to be great. If you’ve lost the sense of newness, it’s not going to be great. Call it a rut, call it the end of the honeymoon phase, call it whatever you like – but it happens in nearly every relationship at some point in time.

It doesn’t even have to be a ‘hard time’, sometimes, after a while it just creeps in on us, and after a while, it becomes the norm. The woman just lays there on her back and the guy just sticks his cock in her pussy and only cares about his orgasm. The woman might fake one, or she just may not care.

And though this is the reason why some people try to “spice up” there sex life, by trying something kinky. But the truth is you could already be in a kinky relationship and find yourself in the same pattern. That’s because great sex isn’t about the level of kink involved – it’s about selfless devotion to your partner.

It’s about finding joy in pleasing your partner. It’s about knowing what pleases your partner and doing that. Sometimes that means learning new things, or getting over internal barriers. And it’s not partial to men or women. And most of the time – when we fall out of sync with each other outside of sex there is a direct connection to our lackluster performance in bed. That’s because sexuality is more than sex – it’s a part of who we are.

The next time you kiss your lover – kiss her like you mean it. The next tim your out with your partner – talk and listen with intent. Hold hands like you did when you first met. Look each other in the eye. Give each other hugs for no reason. Cuddle on the couch and watch a movie or spend time on a walk or putting together a puzzle. Open her doors and compliment her. Notice things about each other and talk about them. Tell him your proud of him.

Adore each other.

And when you you have sex – mean it. Try to give your partner the best sex of their lives – every time. That doesn’t mean you have to be kinky or do something different all the time – just be you and enjoy it. Show your partner you love sucking on their cock, that it’s not just a chore. Seek her orgasms out and learn new ways to make her come. Cuddle afterwards. Talk about sex. Tell each other how great they are. Spank her ass like there’s no tomorrow and then fuck her brains out until she can’t walk. However you connect when you’re having sex – just do it with that one word.

It’s amazing how one word can do and affect so much.

:: That Moment

:: Welcome Home Spanking

Had a long day? Stressed out? Work or life gotcha down?

I’ve got just the fix, bend over my lap and ready yourself.

Spankings – good for almost every occasion!

:: BDSM Training | Spankings

So, here’s another way a few folks have found their way here. Phrases like BDSM spanking, D/s spanking, spank training, good spanking, and Dom spankings. 

I love giving Kasai a good spanking, and so this seems like a good place to spend some time. I won’t go into the “whys” of spanking – I’ve covered that elsewhere. But I will say that whether it’s for discipline, punishment, or pleasure, the following general rules should help you out if you’re looking for some basic knowledge on the dynamic for a spanking.

SAFETY: The first is to have a way to communicate with each other – if your sub is gagged, she still needs to be able to say “I need you to fucking stop right now!”, if she’s not gagged, use a safe word such as “Red” (FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN!), “Yellow” (We can continue, but I need to process this for a minute) and “Green” (More Sir!?!). Whatever your word(s) are, you don’t want them to be everyday words, and definitely not “stop”, “don’t” or “no”. 

SAFE ZONES: Where do you spank? Well, the ass is a great place to start! How the sub’s body is positioned will affect the severity of the impact play – the tighter the ass, the harder it will feel. Your not limited to only spanking her ass – impact play can be applied to her pussy, breasts, meaty portion of the thighs, upper back. The big thing, is you need to KNOW what your sub is going through – and that means experimentation. Begin soft and increase ever so slightly to be able to learn how to read her reactions. 

If you strike any surface area of the body where there isn’t a lot of muscle or tissue between the skin and bone – it’s going to hurt. Think of hands & wrists, achilles tendon, front of calves, ribs – these areas you want to avoid. Other similar areas like the bottoms of feet can be played with – but not nearly as severe as other locations. How hard you strike also depends on what your using.

THE INSTRUMENTS: What do you use? Hands, rods, whips, floggers, hair brushes, spoons, paddles, crops – these are all excellent, but each one has its own benefits and limitations.  The hand is the classic “go to” – it’s more personal, you can ‘feel’ how hard your striking, and when spanking appropriate areas, you can get on it pretty hard. Rods are great too! You spend money on quality canes or use a dowel. I recommend going thin until you know what to expect (the thinner the more flexible equalling less energy transfer into the body). Rods are great because they are a lot quieter than other instruments – but they will leave solid marks too. Don’t strike bone with them either.

Whips can be fun, but more dangerous. The longer the whip and the further away you are from your sub the more damage it will create. I remember playing with whips back in the day, and being struck several times across the back – it doesn’t feel good, take my word for it. But you could find a shorter whip that will deliver a sting without the extreme punch of a bullwhip. The benefit of a whip is it’s obvious you mean business. The downside is….you mean business. Crops are similar to whips without the extreme transfer of energy. Depending on how long it is, and how wide the end is will dictate how much of a punch it will garnish – but crops also have the appearance of meaning business too~ They are more silent than your hand or a paddle too.

Floggers are an excellent choice! From rope to leather they are all great. Rope floggers will typically allow you to really put some weight behind it, because they strike over a much larger surface area. If the rope is hard, or if the leather is thin – it will create a more intense sensation. If there are knots at the ends – there will be a higher sting with each strike. Floggers can also be easily made as well!

Paddles, wooden spoons, and hairbrushes. Depending on what the material is – the spanking is going to hurt. Theres a reason mom’s use wooden paddles and utensils on unruly kids – the shit hurts. A leather paddle has more give, and isn’t going to sting as bad. The wider the less intense. 

AFTERCARE. Impact play can leave a sub drained, bruised, skin broken, and in deep sup space. Apply lotion afterwards. Kasai bruises fairly easy, and I don’t mind that she does. Actually, I enjoy watching them heal with each passing day. You’ll probably need to hold your sub after a good spanking too. You need to take proper care after any scene, but especially one where impact play was used. 

SAFTY. This is where I started, and it’s where I want to end. First thing to close this out: if you have never spanked with a particular instrument, or you are wanting to explore impact play on a new part of the body – you MUST go light at first, even for the whole session. Learn about her body – how it reacts, how long it takes to recoup. Learn how it sounds and feels depending on the intensity. The last thing you want to do is pull out a bullwhip and go cracking on her breasts from 10 feet away! When using a new instrument, the ass is the best place to begin. The thinner and/or the longer an item is the more it’s going to hurt.

Doms – take breaks and talk to your sub – ask her how she’s doing. You can use a 1-10 scale for 1 being “bring it!” to 10 meaning “I’m going to fucking kill you when you let me go!”. Submissives – you need to know that its okay to use one of your safe words. I know you don’t like to use them, but it’s okay – we want and need to know if we’ve pushed you to that limit. It’s also okay to say “DAMN! That hurt!”. Odds are, we’re going to listen and give you a second to process it – of if we’re in a mood, we’ll give you one more!

 

:: Discipline & Punishment

Seems a lot of people try to blur the two together. Others simply use spanking as a means of punishment – even though it’s more of a pleasure to most submissives (and Dom’s as well). Thought I would share a few words on how I look at the difference between them and a couple other similar areas.

First, I’d like to talk about spankings in general. I love giving them. Kasai gets soaking wet over them. I mean dripping, saturated, soaked, and desperate for more over them. Did I mention that she loves getting spanked?

It’s probably similar to how most feel. And we should remember that.

Discipline is a system of behaviors and actions that one lives to show obedience, respect, and adoration. It takes discipline to stay in a submissive position. It takes discipline to act upon receiving direction, even if it’s something we may not want to do. And these things reflect how we feel about the other. That’s from the submissives story.

The Dom side of the picture is from the dispensing end. We discipline our subs by showing, demonstrating, and instructing our sub. We discipline our subs by respecting them and being patient as needed.

To be certain – there will be moments when things aren’t just right. Maybe the position is wrong, or there is a sigh, or look, or other similar element that demonstrates something is off. How we handle these situations can be very important.

Some would resort to a quick spanking. But I think it’s good to draw a distinction between corrective training and punishment. Corrective training is the means and methods used to correct a deficient behavior. Spending extra time on a particular area. Assigning some reading or writing. Doing things again until it’s corrected. It’s not “punishment” in the true sense.

Punishment is on a different level. It is more severe, it can be difficult, and it often takes away something from the sub. If I were to use a spanking on Kasai for a punishment, it would be with the paddle, and she wouldn’t like it at all. But I would so sparingly – because I don’t want her to associate spanking with punishment. That would be like kicking your dog every time she brought you the newspaper.

Punishment doesn’t have to be a spanking. In fact, more often than not – it probably shouldn’t be. But we are often to quick to think about it, so we just use it as a go to method. I’ve learned that the best punishments relate to the infraction. After all, we want to see some correction.

After punishing, you also need to be attentive to the submissives mindset – true punishment can break things we don’t want broken. It can push away rather than draw closer. Just as we are aware of the sub-drop during a scene and care for her afterwards, we also need to be aware that after punishing, some after-care may be necessary.

Just a few thoughts….

:: Spanking Rations Booklet

Never have a need for another spanking – just cut one out, and use as needed. Reprint and have fun!

 

:: Not all spankings are created equal

Not all spankings are created equal. Kasai and I have talked about the different kinds of spankings she’s received. She LOVES a good spanking! The release that she feels is almost without words, and even a hard spanking is one of the fastest ways to get her riled up inside begging for more.

But I don’t spank Kasai for everything – and in the next few posts, I’ll share a little more about what we are not to illuminate more on who we are and how we connect.

:: A good Spanking

Every girl needs a good spanking.

Every girl needs a good spanking

:: BDSM Poster The Tinkerbell Spank

 

A spanking can be magic. Like Tinkerbell  – the moment seems to spread its pollenating fireworks into the atmosphere. It can be a huge release – one that can free guilt, shame, pain, or remorse.

Who knew Disney was so freaky?